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The cult of personality and the game of Baseball

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Baseball is an act for the purpose of demonstration.  This is the cause and affect of the game on the Diamond.  It is the spiritual side of Baseball that I write today.

The game on the diamond was played out so that the accuser could not
rule over man, but the law would. The accuser stands upon the mound 66 gilgul, or the place of the
skulls. The accuser’s dominion is the cycles of birth and rebirth, or if you are counting, 60 feet
6 inches.
I wrote all of this in my kabbalistic keys to baseball in 1989, so most of this stuff is already in my
ms. The accuser stands upon the mound to split you in two. He is trying to rule over you by
accusing you. The accusation splits you in two. To understand this better, Jesus stands before Pilate, and Pilate gives the crowd a choice,
Jesus, King of the jews, or Joshua Bar Abbas, Jesus son of the father.
It’s the same person, there is no other person there. What Pilate did is make the crowd choose, thereby giving
himself authority over the death of Jesus. The fact is Pilate split the name in two to create that
duality to use the power of death against Jesus. He accused him and split him in two.
Ok so back to baseball. The accuser is there to split you in two. The baseball represents the
pod, or the power of death, the BAT is beth (container) of et (whole image), the bat represents
the whole of the law. And by the law the accuser is thwarted, so that he can not use the power of
death, against the batter.

The batter is like Job, he takes a side. When you take a side, you leave a side unprotected. This is
why you must be successful at least one third of the time. So if three times then it is so, this is
why it’s three strikes and you are out. when you take a side, you are unprotected and the accuser
will surely broadside you, this is why the bat protects the side you have forgotten about. With the
breakdown of the law, the accuser finds your weakness and exploits it to make you fear the limit
of death, and make you believe he has power over your life.

The pitcher stands upon the mound to split the batter in two. This was seen as the greatest tyrrany,
in the world, those rulers who used accusation to thin the masses. To justify taking life by
accusation.  So the batter to get away from the accusing finger of the pitcher, and the judgement of the accusor, must protect his weakest  side,
he must hit the ball (pod) or power of death, where they ain’t. Yes, hit it where they ain’t.

Yes it’s the game on the diamond that catches the eyes,
making the spirit within us
scream never say die.

So the bat is a branch of Jesse, or Rikki, depending on who you put your faith into. The bat
represents the law. If men are ruled by the law, then he will hit it where they ain’t. Then  there is no judgement,
and he gets to run the bases freely, until he is safe at home.

The case of pete rose becomes very interesting in lieu of this, because Charlie Hustle hit the ball to
where they ain’t more times than any other man alive, and he’s judged in society. He standss
judged, this was the destruction of the great game on the diamond by the Illuminati who are trying to
destroy the ritual.

Now the Ball represents the power of death. Death only get’s it’s power from your belief in it. The
people of the United State had lived for a very long time without having to be fearful of the limit of death. That
too is being subverted. It started when Bush put the game on the white house lawn. He placed it
on the south garden, to overlook it, instead of facing the game north, where the law rules over all.
So the game has gone through terrific judgement since Bush has done that. It was no accident,
he mean’t to do it. The constitution is being categorically destroyed, because the highest magic, the whole image of the law, and the ball the power of death, play out on the diamond, which represents the three dimensional world of form, homeplate represents the body human which must
constantly beg the law to protect him against tyranny, or man’s rule over man. The bases are the
paths, that are open to all to roam, when someone hits the power of death, in this case the ball
out of reach of all judgement. That is the true seed of potential and why the home run hitter is the
ultimate hero. He has used the law to free himself of all tyrranny and in turn anyone on the path
at the time he has done it, all become free to roam the paths. This is kabbalistically the 32 paths
of humanity, all become open to tread upon and travel through…
.

This is important because it allows all men to reach their fruition in their time and in their place, the
timely hit, allows a seed of potential to reach absolute fruition, the flower opens so as to give full glory to god, and this is the crux of
the American dream, and gave birth to the cult of personality. England hated Babe Ruth, because he was more popular than the queen. Baseball was creating heros and people of fame well before Hollywood, and helped all other sports in america do the same for their players.
I have written volumes about the origin of the game, it originated in Egypt as the game of rounders
and it was played by the inhabitants of Goshen, who finally figured out the best way to use the law to free
themselves from the tyrrany of pharaoh.

The freemasonss at one time believed in individuality and the seed of potential and they certainly
believed in the law. On sinai, in Exodus, 24, 74 men or 70 elders (represented all the nations of the
earth) and Aaron, his two sons, and Moses stand at the door of heaven and they see god. They sprinkle all the
masses with half the sacrifice and they are told they will bring forth the law onto a lawless earth,
they said “we will do it.”

fast forward 24 x 74 = 1776, and because the free Masons understood “Thou shalt not” by living it
for generations, they were given “you have a right to.”
Understand that the American dream is that every one is treated equally, everyone is the seed of
potential, that any man can reach his fruitition in his time and in his place. The ritual on the Diamond The great american game, is about the pendulum swing of mercy and severity. Obviously by putting the game on the south lawn, to ride roughshod over it, or look
down upon it has worked. Maybe this country can not be saved.
It reads like the story of Sodom. Abraham askes god “if there is one righteous man in Sodom, won’t
you save it?? And there were none. Not even Lot, his sodomic brother, who was forced to leave but
only for Abraham’s sake. Because he was just as bad as the rest of them.
No one is here to protect the law. The law stands alone. Men have subverted the law, the
constitution and no longer  pretend to even care. No one in Washington will stand up to the Lawless, and no
one seems to know how to use a bat any longer.
But then that is what happens to rituals when people no longer understand the spirit behind them.
Like the marriage ceremony, or baptism, or confession, or confirmations, a bunch of recited words
that hold little or no meaning.

Baseball became america’s cathederal, by it was born the Cult of personality, because any man
could become great in his time and in his place, as long as the bat, or the law, kept the accusations of the
tyrant at bey, there was no severe judgement.
Not so now, the game has been demonized, and by the very people who lived by that ritual. This is
why Michael Jackson might well be the last of his kind, an original creative genious. No one is
following the law, no one stands by the law……
I’m a fat lady singing, and that’s really bad new.
the sacred geometry of the game helped find and define the potential of the sons of men.
Babe Ruth builded his house on the physical law of bat meets ball. And he hit it out of sight. but he
could not be the greatest home run hitter, simply because he began as a pitcher, and accused
many who stood and took a side before him. This is why it was left up to Aaron, his brother.
Abner means my father is light, and Doubleday explains itself. Three measures of light to the
inventor, he chose that name for a specific reason.
kabbalistically the game was created as a ritual to make men ever vigilent against the accuser,
and to innately know when he was in danger of tyrrany because of the accuser. When you point the
accusing finger, three fingers point back at you.
The bat, the whole image of the law, and the ball the power of death, play out a ritual where men
take a side, and the balance must be met.

Going to the extremes creates the need for the accusing finger. It separates the accused and the accusor, it also designates three fingers pointing back. And if three times then it is so.
The accusor then must be faced with three random Acts. It is why Balaam who goes to accuse the sons of Israel in Sinai, sees the three fingers and opens his hands, and the curse becomes a blessing. Because he knows the balance must come.

The fact that the balance comes through the random act is also known. If the pendulum swings to the side of mercy it must swing to the side of severity.

In the game of Baseball, the game on the diamond portrays a man after he has taken a side. But the bat, Beth aleph tav, the house of the whole image and the law is there to protect him in his ignorance.
The Accusor who stands upon the mound (gilgul) knows the man’s stance, (his past) and uses the baseball (power of death) as a random act, to split the man in half. This leads to the prophecy, “when you split in half, you destroy a third” and three strikes and you are out. But the game also portends potential. Because it is the game that brings every man, and any man to fruition in his time and in his place. The law protects against the tryanny of the accusor. The bat represents the law, that the man in his ignorance needs to protect himself against the accusor who stands upon Gilgul and destroys him with the power of death.

This is why we love the homerun hero. He takes a 95 mile an hr pitch, which is meant to split him in two, and sends it where no one can get it, and he can take any path unjudged fullfilling potential for whoever is on the path with him. And then they are all safe at home, safe against reprisal, tyrrany, and can persue happiness without fear of someone trying to take their life. It’s only fitting that the first game was played on the Elysian Fields, (heaven) in Hoboken, NJ, NJ is the third state, or the state of Levi, home of the high priest and high priestess.

BASEBALL SEASON IS HERE, WORSHIP IT LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!

What’s in a signature?

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American was built on signatures.  Who can forget John Hancock, who believed in the democracy and freedom this great republic would provide.  So many people put their faith in that document and specifically on those who signed it.

Freedom meant freedom from tyranny, the tyranny that still imposes itself on Europe and the middle east.  We see the United states succumbing to the pressures of the international bankers and we see our paper fiat with the pictures of all of our forefathers becoming worthless.  The dollar is falling because we put our faith in it, instead of one nation under god.

 

However, we were built on signatures.  A Mickey Mantle signed autographed rookie card sells for 10,000 dollars.

You might have to put out 75.00 to get the card dna’d psa’d or graded and authenticated.  But you will receive a greater profit from doing this.

The United States of America needs a new paper fiat.  The government wants to introduce a new paper fiat called the Amero.

The people of the united states love memorabilia and they love sports, because they love their American Heros.

This nation was built on the idea of individual freedom, if a man can reach his fruition in his time and in his place, he is an American Hero.  Just ask Tiger Woods, a child prodigy filled with great potential, an almost magical life attaining great heights.

So would it not be just to use signatures to trade and barter with?

Why do I ask this?

In 1993 I was buying baseball cards for my son, they were 50 cents a pack.  I pulled out a signed baseball card of Joe Dimaggio.  I took it to the card shop and the dealer bought it off of me for 500.00 right there out of the pack on the spot.

I paid my rent with it.  I realized that the autograph is a big deal in this country.  I have procured quite a slew of signatures since that time.  The prices rise and fall with the markets.  But they shouldn’t.  Our country was at one time based on the noteriety and greatness that comes with American life.  It’s all about potential.  John Hancock signed in big bold letters to let his English masters know, he believed in this ideal, and he would fight for his freedom, and his right to life liberty and the persuit of happiness.

What signatures should be worth?

Many people understand the power of the signature and it becames popular for American Icons, like Babe Ruth, or John Wayne, or Mohammed Ali to sign their name and give the american people a thrill to have something they signed. It makes people feel they are still apart of something bigger than themselves, the American Dream….

It’s all in the signature.

A piece of cardboard is what you get from chewing gum companies who put pictures of these icons on cardboard so the American people would remember what happens in a free society when someone reaches their potential in their time and in their place.

The Iconoclastic did not stop with sports, as we see that Hollywood is also built on signatures signed in cement to stay forever as a reminder of the greatness one can reach in this free society.

Cassius Clay had to fight for his freedom against the dark forces that wanted him to pick up a gun and kill a yellow man, not based on idealology but because there was gold and silver and oil in Vietnam, and Cassius said no. He would fight for freedom, but he would not kill in the name of his white masters. He stood up to the dictates of a tyrannical government, spent time in jail and traded his slave name for one of Freedom. He gained his freedom from his white slave masters, and persued his career as a great pugilist. He did not disappoint. His skills and talent were the microcosm of the macrocosm. This free society allowed men of any color, race or creed to reach their greatness, and surely Mohammed paid the price for that freedom. How much should his signature be worth?? many thousands.

I HAD A DREAM

We have seen the men who have had to fight for this freedom, how they gave up their lives so that this potential would not rot away and return to the ink black ether of void, but would come to fruition, bloom and give full glory to god.

And…many sports are based on the bloodsport. Many connotate real war, war to conquer, the actions of Lucifer. But some sports are played out so that the paths are cleared so we can be safe at home.

Baseball is played on the diamond, a holy geometry for sure. The game is based on the law, and how it is used to keep us safe at home.

So the constitution and the signatures on it, were written big, to keep us safe by combatting those who would undermine and destroy the law.

The Bat, or beth aleph Tav, means house of the whole image, and we use the universal law to fight against the tyranny of lawlessness. When we practice the austerity to keep the laws contemporary and free from malicious attack, we are allowed to persue our potential without fear of reprisal, because we have the law to protect us.

The signatures of all great men who have reached their potential because of the law need to be respected, yes even given a monetary value. What better way to serve the law and the Iconoclastic american dream, then giving the signatures of all of these greats presidence even over the paper fiat of the dollar, an illuminati invention to enslave the people of the world.

I say the people have already decided.  People are collecting signatures like never before, we must keep the American Dream alive, we must pray that our children and grandchildren have the same opportunity to reach their potetntial, to love their lives and to do what they love to do in persuit of life, liberty and the persuit of Happiness.

DON’T LET THE DREAM DIE!

James Truslow Adams,  coined the phrase:  The American dream,   “It is not a dream of motor cars and high wages merely, but a dream of social order in which each man and each woman shall be able to attain to the fullest stature of which they are innately capable, and be recognized by others for what they are, regardless of the fortuitous circumstances of birth or position.”

So America remember, your birth, and the labor pains, remember those who stuck their necks out so we can live this incredible experience, and remember the dream.

And when a child progeny wows a generation, it is more than serendipty, it is magical, it goes beyond mere mortality, as the child shows it genius to the world.  This is what we hope for, in this all hope springs eternally.  Gregory Smith a child prodigy who will graduate with a master’s degree at the age of  16 is an example of the greatness we feel when we see the child full of potential, who does incredible feats of ingenuity or magic.  It is a magic we all crave.

This is what keeps us believing in the Christ Child, the one who brings redemption to all of us who hope for a better day, a fulfillment of dreams, hope in what we bring forth.

We should celebrate potential, we should celebrate the people who reach this potential.  We all believe in this potential.  We put our hope and trust in it.

This is what we find in the signature, all of our own hopes and dreams as the human experience.  This proves we are not here accidentally, it insures us that life continues and the magic of potential is in all of our reach.

Find your potential, sign your name.

 

D E Bartley

Shift of the ages and 3 days of darkness

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The Sun is a magnetically based electric generator.

As the angular momentum of the planets pulls on the sun’s equator, it also pulls upon,
and distorts the magnetic forces within the sun.

This tug from the planets takes one complete lap every 87 days. The effect of this is a
winding of the magnetic forces within the sun.

From the sun’s north or south pole, this effect (if we could see magnetic lines of
force) would resemble the ‘swastika’ symbol.

This is an important note as all the ancient cultures of this planet used the
swastika as a symbol at the core of all of their ‘end times’ myths. This symbol did
not originate with the NAZI movement in Germany, and was deliberately
chosen by them due to its fundamental importance to humanity, and civilization.

As each ‘arm’ of the magnetic winding crawls up the surface of the sun, it will pass the
‘magic’ number of 19.45 degrees of latitude. This number is magic as that is where the
sun spots happen, and coincidently where all the storms happen on the gas giants, and such interesting places as Hawaii happen here on earth. This number is magic as it is also
the point at which the internal hyper dimensional merkaba (interlinked tetrahedrons) will contact the edge of the sphere we perceive as the sun.

The sun spot cycle is so named as this point of contact between the merkaba andthe manifesting reality of the sun’s surface is where sun spots develop. These sun spots are to the ‘heart’ of the sun, what a ‘pulse’ is to the heart of a human. To continue, as the ‘winding pressure’ increases on the sun over time by each 87 day lap, a larger structure of magnetic pressure is created both internally, and externally to the sun.

This larger pressure builds within the huge forces tugging on the magnetic structure of the
sun over a period in excess of 11,500 years. The result of the pressures is a level of chaotic ‘tension’ in the magnetic structure
of the sun. As the pressures bend the magnetic arms of the sun, and they crawl up
the sun like windings of string around a ball, they will cross the 19.45 latitude. If they
happen to do so when the internal rotation of the merkaba is coincident, a sun spot will
form and it will continue as long as the winding arm is synchronized with the rotation, usually
about 25 days or so.

As the forces pressuring the magnetic structure of the sun increase with time, the pressures
can naturally be expected to build until a ‘breaking point’ is reached. ALL of the ancient
warnings via myth and symbols point to the ‘breaking point’ of the sun spot cycle as
THE KEY indicator of a pending pole and crustal shift here on earth (as well as other planets).

The reason that the pressures on the magnetic structure of the sun results in a pole, and
crustal shift here on earth is due to our own planet’s magnetic nature.

Our planet is basically a ‘dirt and water covered’ magnetic generator similar to the
core of the sun.

The magnetic health of our planet is directly tied to the sun. As a note worthy fact,
the magnetosphere protecting our earth has weakened constantly these last 10,000 years.

No longer healthy, as in the above graphic, our magnetosphere is both

weak, and full of holes that are growing over these last few years. In fact the electromagnetic shield of the earth is weakening, causing the rotation of the earth to slow down.  In fact with each succeeding cme (coronal mass ejection,  it pierces and whittles away at the electromagnetic shield.

As the sun’s magnetic structure nears its ‘breaking point’ relative to the pressures exerted
by the angular momentum, it will expand in a spherical fashion outward as the 11  centuries of stress are ‘blown off’.

past the orbits of the inner planets likely will have an impact on earth since we are
one of the inner planets.

The thinking is that a magnetic ‘bow wave’ will be followed by a Coronal Mass Ejection
(CME), which further weakens the magnetic field and slows the rotation of the earth, the vibrations speed up, time speeds up and the earth slows…..to a stop

The impact of the magnetic discharge from the sun will overwhelm what is left of earth’s
protective magnetosphere and initiate both a pole and a crustal shift, floods, and major upheavals will be the norm.

As the inner core of the earth rotates due to the impacting magnetic solar discharge, the
actual physical alignment of the earth will change from our current positions.

Coincidentally  the pyramids at the Giza plateau are in the exact center
of the planetary landmasses. This begs the question of why? As a marker perhaps as to
the center of rotation of the planet under such circumstances as a free floating crust?
Bearing in mind that there is no ‘down’ in space, when the crust of the earth rotates, its
position and point of rotation will be determined by gravity as determined by what
object in space is closest to the ‘center of mass’ of the earth, conveniently marked by
the Giza pyramids. The two candidates that we have to specifically affect our rotation
are the moon, and the sun. Though smaller, the moon is closest, and if it may be
a primary determinate for how these periodic crustal spins resolve themselves.

Summation:
It can be seen from the illustrations above that such a mechanism would account for   the multitudinous effects that are currently manifesting in our solar system, as well
as the previous fossil, and geologic records of such cataclysms, and it does so withoutrequiring any extra-solar system spatial or positioning inputs or energies.

Further it can be noted   that the math involved is both precise and predictable, for us as well as our ancestors.

In fact history shows that the earth has shifted it’s poles no less that 14 times, and is poised to do it once again. But we have been givin clues by the Mayans.  Is this Prophecy?   or the historical reference from humans who have survived. This of course, is the personal key to all of this. NOTE: Humans have survived this in the past. Your very existence is living
proof of that. No reason that humans can’t survive it again. Of course, time is very short and energies and resources must be used very intelligently in the time remaining.

Then the Mayans were recording physical history as it was happening, because this has all happened before.  And earth is clearly in
crisis, and getting worse. So the question then is, if we are wrong, how are we injured by preparing for a crustal shift (in the immediate future)?  , store food…ok,
that works either way. Have an unsinkable boat…ok, that can be a pocket cruiser if not needed as our planetary life boat, and can be used if civil chaos descends to stand off shore.
And all the while noting that the level of stress on the planet is rising toward  some form of crescendo…. and ThePowersThatBe both know about it, and are constantly telling you about it. If you are American, pull out the 1/One dollar bill. This note from the private elitist organizatio  known as the federal reserve bank which is not part of your federal government, has no  reserves, and is not a bank, but *is* hugely tied to all kinds of secret societies, tells you every
time you handle its 1/one dollar note, that they know what is coming. Look to the back of the  bill, look under the pyramid with the strange symbol of the floating eye above it. There you will see the words ‘novus ordo seclorum’, which actually translates as ‘new order of the ages’. Note that it is wrong to think this means ‘new world order’, rather the
word ‘ages’ means ‘astrologic or zodiac ages’. And the pole and crustal shift is intimitely involved with a new ordering of the zodiac ages.    The facts of the matter are that such pole and crustal shifts have happened repeatedly in the near and far past, so denial of the potential under these circumstances is more willful than
scientific. And it only takes observation of the global chemtrail agenda, or the visual changes  in the sun over these last 10 years to understand that big transitions are occurring. Plus, even the mostly gutless NASA folks are actually saying that solar cycle 24 will be exceptionallyactive. And solar cycle 24 coincidentally peaks in….2012.

This will lead to some spectacular ice ‘releases’ in both north and south poles. An Iceberg the size of the state of New York has just been released as we write this in march of 2012. What does all of this mean for the planet earth? And the crossroads depicted by the Mayans?

“The Sacred Tree was known to the ancient K’iché simply as “Crossroads.” It seems that when a planet, the sun, or the moon entered the dark cleft of the Milky Way in Sagittarius (which happens to be the exact center of the Milky Way, the Galactic Equator), entrance to the underworld road was possible, which could then take the journeyer up to the Heart of Sky.”

‘WE SHALL SEE HIM AS HE IS, BECAUSE WE SHALL BE LIKE HIM’

Sacred trees, representing the power of life to grow from the underworld realm of the dead, are a common motif in the art and literature of the ancient Maya of Mesoamerica. Such trees are similar in concept to the tree of life described in the Book of Mormon, as well as to the mythic traditions of many other contemporary world cultures. Hieroglyphic inscriptions and sixteenth-century highland Maya texts describe a great world tree that was erected at the dawn of the present age to stand as the axis point of the cosmos.

During this great eliptical cross, of the solar system super imposed over the milky way, the sun will return to it’s place of origin.  This will reveal the great eliptical cross of the cosmos, the great cross roads, the great cross in the sky, the return of the son.  The return of the sun to it’s place of origin.

When the sun reaches it’s place of origin over the great black hole of the Milky way, it’s magnetic poles will have stopped.  In trun the great electro magnetic shield of the earth shall be gone, and this will cause the earth to stop rotating, for 3 days.   3 days of darkness will ensue.

 THE CROSS IN THE SKY

As late as 1965, the three days of darkness was spoken of again in a holy person in Europe: “The Divine fire and the fire of hell will arrive and last during the days of darkness indicated by all the saints. My luminous cross will appear in the sky; it will be the sign that the final events are close, and will remind all of My terrible passion, so that they will have time to reflect, for I shall not punish the world WITHOUT PREVIOUS ANNOUNCEMENT.

All will have time to comprehend the significance of that cross in the sky, and everyone shall see it. All will know, even those who “reject” it, that this My cross will be the sign that a Redeemer came once to bring salvation and pardon. My cross will be honored as never before.

We will be entering into a new world, the 5th world, and the magnetic field of each individual will have shifted.  Not only will the earth shift, but the people upon it.  Your heart will be where your head is, and your head, will be where your heart is.

This will have a profound affect on people, that is why you can not fear.  Fear is the greatest sin because it connotates ignorance and unbelief.  This is why revelations calls fear the greatest sin.  All eyes shall be open and everyone changed in a twinkling of an eye.  Imagine if you are filled with unconditional love, this will be the time many will fly into heaven and be released from the burdens of the flesh.  Many will not be able to make the change from head to heart, or heart to head, and this will cause great dispare and tragedy for many people who do not know how to love.

Fear none of those things which you will suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that you may be tried; and you shall have tribulation ten days: be faithful unto death, and I will give you a crown of life. rev, 2.10

THREE DAYS OF DARKNESS: THE IMPENDING SIGNS

Increasing violent disturbances on land, at sea, and in the air; earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, windstorms, cloudbursts, breaking of dams, overflowing of streams and seas, huge tidal waves, floods, unusual “accidents” taking many lives, famines, epidemics, destruction, destitution, failure of crops, water and crops will change, becoming more” polluted” and less nourishing. Revolutions, downfall of governments, dissensions, wars, confusion in high places, lack of respect for authority, treachery, corruption, brutalities, atrocities. Breakdown of family life, immorality, adultery, infidelity, promiscuity, perversion and violence of youth, disobedience, lack of values, indecent nakedness of dress, countless sins and iniquities, people concerned only with eating, drinking, dancing, and pleasures. Flaunting of Church laws, irreverence and immodesty in church, lack of attendance at Church, neglect of holy conduct on Sundays, neglect of the sacraments, sinful pride in sham-religious activities, many “religious” will fall away and take souls with them, enemies, persecution, suppression of the Church will increase and there will be many martyrs. Lack of charity, heartlessness, indifference, and lack of concern for our neighbor, people turning against each other, even in the bosom of the family, people proud in their own knowledge, and turning away from God.

We are experiencing these things now. Just glance at the daily newspapers to see clearly the above impending signs.

THE IMMEDIATE SIGNS

The night will be BITTERLY COLD, the wind will howl and roar, then will come lightning, thunderbolts, earthquakes, the stars and heavenly bodies will be disturbed and restless. There will be NO light, but TOTAL BLACKNESS, utter dark will envelop the entire earth. This will come suddenly like a flash!

NOT A SINGLE DEMON WILL BE LEFT IN HELL. Hell will be emptied and EVERY evil spirit will be released to roam over the earth and do all possible harm to souls. The evil ones will appear in the most frightening forms and will fill the air with pestilence and poisonous gases, there will be “TERRIFYING APPARITIONS.” Many will die from fear and despair, the wicked people will behold the Divine Heart of Our Lord.

“My angels, who are to be the executioners of this work, stand ready with pointed swords and they will take special care to annihilate all those who mock ME and would not believe in My revelations.”

Hurricanes of fires will rain forth from Heaven and spread over all the earth, fear will seize mortals at the sight of these clouds of fire, and great will be their cries of lamentation, many godless WILL BURN IN THE OPEN FIELDS LIKE WITHERED GRASS. God’s wrath will be poured out upon the whole world, the “chastisement” will be terrible, SUCH AS NEVER BEFORE, and will afflict the ENTIRE EARTH.

Satan will triumph in these awful days, and hell will appear to have gained possession of the world, but God will reclaim it, for even this chastisement is an act of God’s mercy. He tells us NOT TO PRAY AGAINST IT, as it must come, but pray to save yourself and as many others as possible, and pray that these days may be shortened.

BETWEEN THE IMPENDING AND THE IMMEDIATE SIGNS–

There are predicted two other occurrences, as additional and final warnings before the terror of the three-day darkness. A Prodigy during which time EVERY soul will be shown exactly how they have offended God and to what extent. This will be a time of such intense personal suffering that many will “wish” to die, but no one will.  A Miracle similar to that at Fatima, a great wonder to convince many, predicted to take place on the Feast Day of a “young martyr” of the “Eucharist” but NOT on a holy day of Our Lady. The miracle will last for about a quarter of an hour and will be visible from Garabandal, Spain, and the surrounding mountains. Our Holy Father will see it no matter where he is at the time. This miracle will take place on a date which will be “announced” eight days BEFORE. Afterwards, God will leave a sign in memory of it.
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The arrival of the Sun the return of Free WIll

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Prophecy and Fulfillment2012 heralds the arrival of the Sun to it’s place of birth, or origin, the center of the galaxy, called the Milky way.  Here the sun will rest and burn off the dross.  The sun’s power lies in the fact that we must follow it wherever it goes in the universe, we meaning the earth and the inhabitants thereof.  The sun makes a trip to it’s place of origin when it feels the need to cleanse  the whole of the systm.  We are catapulting to a place of destiny.

History reveals that the Sun has made this trip before.  The nano meltdown of the earth’s crust is historical evidence of the powerful meltdown caused when the sun’s energy is directed at the earth.  This happens when there is a breakdown of the universal  laws.  Infringement on free will is caused by Men who wish to rule by the power of death and not the law.

The laws of the universe were brought to the earth by it’s great avatars. Each Avatar brought forth a set of laws so that men who were seperated from God by the fall of humanity were able by fulfilment of the law,  re establish  devine contact with God.

In each dispensation the flesh and those who desire the flesh fight against the light of the Sun, and the light of mankind.

The laws were put in place so that men could wander in and out, and find the law working, so that they could reach their fruition, in their time and in their place.  This is why hope springs eternal, so that any man who fulfils the law receives the truest gift of life, the eternal breath.  All men seek to fulfil desire.  As long as the fulfilment does not impinge on any other creature in god’s kingdom, there is no harm, no fowl.

We see that the Lie of Cain, was to take control of the womb, to place his seed within it to bring forth only his image.  Mankind fell from the grace of God, when Cain slayed Abel in the field.  The womb no longer brought forth in anonimity, there was placed upon specific instruction by a directed will.  This was the lateral fall, literally.

Now there are men on this earth who only believe in their own divine bloodline.  They protect it, and nurture it and reincarnate through it again and again.  Men have learned to take  up the image they leave behind, because for them death is a certainty.   Cain was told because of his sin, (stealing his brother’s womb) he would wander, and that he would bring up the weeds with the wheat.

The illumined ones consider all of mankind the weeds.  They consider themselves the wheat.  They do not like the law, because the law makes all men equal before  it.  The oligarchy that controls the earth have always subverted and destroyed the practice and fulfilment of the law, because they want the power and the glory to determine what comes from the womb and what goes to the tomb.

The black hole absorbs all light and steals free will.   The conquering Nations, and the conquering bloodline of this world have used the power of death to rule this kingdom.  The elites who liked to be called illumined because they can reincarnate back to where they were before, control the earth, or so they think so.  Their control depends on the destruction of the law and the total destruction of free will.  They are the progenitors of the black hole.

Via Appia is the main road between Sodom and Egypt.  This is the road of conquering.  This is the road where the Elite have villified all other images before them.  They have learned to accuse by using the law against the sons of any men.  They hate any image not of their bloodline.  They accuse, then they execute.

Billions of people have died so that the Elite of this world can sustain themselves.  They need the shedding of human blood to keep their crooked kingdom alive.  The road between Sodom and Egypt is filled with cries of the men and women who were murdered to sustain this Luciferian system.

Men have put the flesh before the spirit.  The flesh refuses to obey the law.  The flesh seeks to destroy the law, so that it can rule over the lord’s earth, and the lord’s men.

Now we see that there are wars and rumors of wars, and that the negative energy of the unlawful is filling the earth.

THIS IS WHY THE SUN IS RETURNING TO IT’S PLACE OF BIRTH!

The Sun removes all of the unlawfulness of the earth, when it burns off the dross.  This will happen and wiser men have recorded the history of the sun and it’s journey to the center of the black hole of the Milky Way.

In revelations we read that all nations will come together to make war, to break the yoke of the law which impedes them from taking over the whole earth, we are given the truth of the revelation of Jesus Christ.  All will be gathered together on the field of Har megiddon.  To make battle against each other, against the law, and against God.

AntiChrist is anyone who believes they have a right, or have rationalized and justified taking another man’s life.  And the men who rule this world, who believe they are the wheat, have created war to cull the masses, the weeds of the earth.

But we were given the law so that we might wander in and out.  This was a universal right given to all of us by God.  And those who have been villified and murdered to sustain this system have been taken up by the Black hole that denies free will.

“And fire came out of heaven and destroyed them all”  Revelations

Now the sun returns to it’s place of origin and there is a sign given to men so that they know when this great prophecy is about to be fulfilled.

It’s called the Sun Dagger, a testament to the power of the sun and the power of God.

Chaco Canyon:

The Sun dagger was sculpted out by the hands of men, who created a kingdom, where they built 5 story buildings, but needed to kill other humans in order to sustain their kingdom. They realized too late that this is the crooked kingdom and the sun returned to it’s place of origin and burned the earth until there was nothing left.

The natives of this land understood a crooked foundation, leads to a crooked kingdom and so they left the Sun Dagger in Chaco Canyon, as a reminder, as a portent, as a grave sign, because when the sun creates the dagger in Chaco Canyon, it is catapulting through space to it’s place of origin, and mankind better prepare for certain destruction.

The Black Hole:

The black hole is so dense with light, and it steals the free will of the light of the universe.  It takes in all light, it steals the light.  It impinges on free will and denies it to the universal soul.  We call this Satan.    Satan is the advesery.  Only here to point the accusing finger to take away free will.

The world has seen the accusor at work since the beginning of time.  The accusor stands before God and accuses mankind so that he can use the power of death against him.

In this world the power of Satan is the taking away of free will.  We see today how men who worship Satan, create laws, and war to take away the free will of man.  They have subverted the law and used it to control mankind by fear of the limit of death.

When the sun reaches it’s place of origin, it will do so to liberate all of those souls who have died to sustain this system on earth.  The black hole holds the light of billions of souls who have been murdered  and accused and stripped of their free will.  All of those souls who were crucified Via Appia are waiting for the return of the Sun to it’s place of origin to set them free!!!

Ressurrection vs. Reincarnation

All of those souls who have been killed to sustain this Lucierian system will be released from that BLACK HOLE.

The Sun returns, the villified, the accused, the murdered will all be released of their own volition.

WHY you might ask?

Because when the sun returns to it’s place of origin all of those souls will once again have:  FREE WILL

No man on this earth can stop this, no man on earth has the power to stop free will.

Free Will makes moves the Universe.  Free Will is the whole image of God.  Free will can not be stopped by any negative energy or power that think they be.

Understand the portents and the signs of the times.  Understand the sun returning to it’s place of origin.  Understand the need to sculpt the sun Dagger in

chaco Canyon.  The time is now to scream freedom.  The time is now to demand freedom from the guards at the Prison Gate.

Get on your rooftops.  The time is now, right now, the revelation is happening NOW.

DEMAND YOUR FREE WILL

The time is coming when those who rule the earth will seek to destroy it.  They seek destruction of those things they can not have, because they belong to GOD.

FREE WILL belongs to GOD.

Free will implies no possession of any living, breathing being.

When the fire comes out of Heaven, it will destroy much.  It will destroy many.  It will destroy those who are destroying the earth.  For some this will be a horrendous event, because it will take away their world.

But all of that light will have been released of it’s own volition from the black hole, because free will has once again returned to all of those who have been killed.

LISTEN UP!

This is the ressurection of the dead.  This is the return of free will, this is the king of kings, and lord of lords returning to take dominion over this earth.

MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE COMING OF THE GLORY OF THE LORD!

Make no mistake, rise up and demand your freedom, do not fear the light, it is the return of the kingdom of God.  God’s will be done.  That is FREE WILL!

This is a testament of a witness who is faithful and true.

 

 

 

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Driving lessons

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Dr. Benjamin drives a rust-colored 1961 Chevy step-side pickup. His elbows poke out when he steers the wheel.
He likes the Las Vegas desert, it is the ideal city where men become gods, gods become
rich; and everyone loves a winner.

After a time he speaks: “I need to check out an old television.”

Dr. Benjamin takes a left on the old highway, there are sand berms, buried tires, debris from a former war,
it is a dumping ground.
His Chevy step-side has a bench seat that smells like
wd40. He turns off the truck and turns to the rider. “Why don’t you show me something beautiful?”

The student squirms in all shyness, and moves far away from the driver. The old man’s eyes gleam, a
reincarnation of possibility for young cotton and the smell of shampooed hair.
The windows are open for the passing dust swirls.
Dr. Benjamin doesnt like the radio. He stretches his right arm across the bench seat, shuts the music off, props himself up,
then falls over everything as he tries to undo a zipper.

There is no radio and so Dr Benjamin will sing the words in his head,

“Holy Jesus, why do you smell so sweetly?”

The real-life sounds are only grunts, too low to describe the old man’s passion. He never takes off his pants, but the shirt comes untucked in the slow thrusting.
Dr. Benjamin’s potbelly is cold. Hes in a hurry, pushing so fast between thighs that he forgets to command directions.
The voice of the teacher hisses sharply between gritted teeth he shakes the sweat halo all over the bench before the student finally pushes away.

As an eight-year-old boy, I told Dr. Benjamin that I had to go pee very badly. I told him that I couldn’t pee in the truck because,
“Its not very ster-ile. He would have to continue his lessons later.

There was relief in getting out of that truck, even though I had nowhere to run, no one to yell for. The runaway was stopped. Only five miles outside of the city limits of Vegas and there’s not a damn thing to hold you except a cactus. After staring at the desert till the sun made three yawns, I returned to the philosopher king and his Chevy.

“Guess Im done.” I kicked a blue pebble.

Back in the truck, Dr. Benjamin reminded me that I wanted to hitch with him all the way to california and find my father. It was important for me to do this, He said, “The heart has its yearnings.”

An hour before I tried to lean west, now I couldn’t. The longing was over. Dr. Benjamin drove back to town, too proud to say that he wanted to shoot a load over my face. The cabin was quiet until we came to a 7-11.

I pointed in a hurry at the 7-11, saying that the throat was dry. Then I gagged to form a guttural sound. The teacher licked his lips and pulled right over.

After pulling a wedding ring, lint, and several bullets out of his pocket, Dr. Benjamin handed money so I could buy two Slurpees. I filled the cups with blue ice and sugar, trembling. I had just given the clerk a hard earned dollar as the fucker drove away.

Origins of Holloween Sam Hain rituals on scifi fi sunday’s with the hipriestess

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October 31st

This is the beginning of the Celtic and Wiccan New Year. Samhain is Irish-Gaelic for ‘the Summer’s end’, and is pronounced ‘sow-in’. Samhain represented the death of the summer sun god, Lugh.

This festival celebrates Nature’s cycle of death and renewal, a time when the Celts acknowledged the beginning and ending of all things in life and nature. Samhain marked the end of harvest and the beginning of the New Celtic Year. The first month of the Celtic year was Samonios – ‘Seed Fall’.

Two Roman festivals became incorporated with Samhain – ‘Feralia’, when the Romans commemorated the passing of the dead, and ‘Pomona’, when the Roman goddess of fruit and trees was honoured. The Halloween tradition of bobbing for apples is thought to derive from the ancient links with the Roman fruit goddess, Pomona, and a Druidical rite associated with water.

Samhain heralds the beginning of Winter when the world starts to darken and the days are getting shorter – the ‘dark half’ of the year and the demise of the power of the sun.
The Crone

The triple Goddess – worshipped by the Ancient Britons – is now in her third aspect of the Crone: the keeper of wisdom and mysteries.

In the Scottish Highlands the Crone was personified as the ‘Cailleach Bheur’ – the blue-faced hag – the Queen of the Winter.

She was reborn on every All Hallows Eve, returning to bring the Winter and protect animals through the coldest months. She turned to stone on Beltane Eve.

Ritual of the Crone “Blue-faced Hag”
Place an apple and pomegranate upon the altar. There should also be a “planted” pot of earth for each participant – these may be arranged on the altar as well, if there is ample space. Instruments of divination may be placed within the Circle perimeter for use during the ritual if you wish. Arrange the altar as usual and decorate with Autumn leaves, pumpkins, etc.

The Circle is cast and purified the Circle in the usual manner. Dancing around the Circle in a shuffle step (deosil), all chant three times:

The Moon is bright, the Crone is old
The body lifeless – the bones so cold
We all live and pay our dues
To die in ones and threes and twos.

Death, dance and play the harp
Piercing silence in the dark
The Woman’s old with withered limbs
Death beckons Her to dance with Him

As She accepts the Dance of Death
The Earth is cooled by ghostly breath
To lie in dormancy once more
To have Her strength and life restored

Go to the Western Quarter and draw an invoking pentagram with the athame to open the gate. Then evoke the dead by saying:

All ye spirits who walk this night -
Hearken! Hearken to my call!
I bid you in our Circle join!
Enter! Enter – one and all!

Come ye, spirits of the dead:
Be ye spirit of plant or pet
Or human being who still roams!
Into this Circle you are let!

Speak to us of things unknown!
Lend your energies to this rite!
To speed your journey, we have joined
On this sacred Samhain night!

All ye spirits who walk this night -
Hearken! Hearken to my call!
I bid you in our Circle join!
Enter! Enter – one and all!

Bestow blessings upon the dead, saying:

Oh Mighty Pan of the Summerlands:
Guardian of the beloved dead
We pour forth love on those you keep
Safely, in your peaceful stead
We bless those who have walked the path
That someday, we as well, shall rove
We offer peace unto their souls
While resting in your arms, below

Now is the time for divination (Ouija Board, pendulum, cards, etc.) and communication with those who have gone on before us. Allow plenty of time for this. [Note: I have found that it is helpful to have a tape recorder handy within the Circle for recording any communications that may be "channeled" during this time. Some people disagree with this suggestion, saying that the metal of this electronic device causes scattered energies in the Circle; however, if the recorder has been cleansed and purified as the rest of the ritual tools, the problem seems to be resolved.]

When the divinatory processes are completed, the Priestess goes to the Western Quarter and draw the banishing pentagram, saying:

Blessings be upon thee, oh wondrous Spirits of the
Summerlands. We humbly thank thee for your presence in our
Circle and honor you in celebration this sacred night. We
beseech thee, oh Pan, keeper of the sacred dead, embrace
once again those souls within your keep and hold tightly
to your breast those which have been lost and wandering.
Grant them safe passage to the Summerland, where they may
rest peacefully in your strength until they are refreshed
and reborn again in perfect love. We bid thee all a fond
farewell. So mote it be!

The gate is now closed.

The Priestess goes to the altar and hold up the pomegranate, saying:

Behold the pomegranate, fruit of Life…

The athame is plunged into the pomegranate, splitting it open to display the seeds. She says:

Whose seeds lie in the dormancy of Death!

The Priestess eats one of the seeds, saying:

I Taste the seeds of Death.

The pomegranate is then passed hand to hand through the participants of the ritual, each eating a seed and saying to the next person:

“Taste the seeds of Death.”

The Priestess then holds up the apple, saying:

Behold the apple: fruit of wisdom, fruit of Death…

She then cuts the apple crosswise, saying:

Whose symbolism rewards us with life eternal!

She holds up the apple, displaying the inner pentagram, and says:

Behold the five-fold star – the promise of rebirth!

Consecrate the fruit and wine. Each person then tastes of the apple and sips the wine, saying to the next person:

Taste the fruit of rebirth and sip from the cup of wine of Life.

After libation, the Priestess presents each member of the group with a small pot of earth, planted with three seeds [preferably rue or lavender]. She briefly explains to the group that this is the season of the seed – it is a time of dormancy, but also a time of re-generation for growth. Further, as the seed rests in the earth, they should also take time to rest and re-evaluate their lives, metaphorically planting only those values which will enrich and enhance the growth within the Divine Self. She then instructs them to name the seeds within their pots with three values they wish to incorporate into their lives, knowing that as the seeds sprout with new life, their lives will be new, as well.

After the presentation, all join hands and hold them skyward.

PRIESTESS:

Thus is the Circle of Rebirth.
All pass from this life through the great god, Pan
But through My love you are all reborn
In the cycles of nature – through the Cosmic Plan.

In living we die – in dying we live
The fruit is first seed, yet seed comes from the fruit
In the mystery of life and death and rebirth
The Circle turns ever, and I am its root.

ALL RESPOND:

The Sun conceived in Darkness, cold
In the Shadow of Death, a Life unfolds
A shred of Light begins to burn
From Death comes Life – the Circle turns.

Dismiss Quarters and Dissolve Circle.

PRIESTESS:

The rite is ended.

ALL:

Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again!

Outdoor libation to the Lord and Lady, and the spirits of the dead.

British Summer Time ends today with the clocks going back an hour – long, dark, velvety evenings arrive.
This festival welcomed the final harvest and the safe storage of crops for the coming Winter. Anything left on the trees, bushes or in the fields after this date was considered ruined by the ‘puka’, and unedible. The puka or pooka is a mischievous spirit or fairy from Celtic lore.
Fire festivals

Samhain is one of the four Celtic fire festivals marking the quarter points in the year – feasts were held and bonfires were lit throughout the countryside.
The bonfires were to warm friendly spirits and ward off evil spirits, and also represented the sun which they wished would return, bringing heat and growth.

It was custom to give an ember from the fires to attending families, who would then take it home to start a new cooking fire. These fires were believed to keep the homes happy and free from any lost evil spirits.

The name ‘bonfire’ is believed to be derived from the custom of burning the bones of the cattle which were slaughtered at this time – a ‘bone fire’.
Feast of the Dead

It is believed that the borders between the world of the living and the dead is thinner on this night – also known as ‘Ancestor night’ – so souls of the dead can enter the land of the living. Spirits roam free to revisit their earthly homes. The Celts looked to their ancestors to bring them guidance for the coming year and hoped to commune with the spirits at Samhain.
Samhain is considered a celebration of life over death, and a time to remember those who have left the world of the living. Candles would be lit at the graves of loved ones. In Mexico family members light many candles around the graves of their loved ones and lay out special feast foods for the spirits, and remain there all night.

Halloween originates from the ancient Celts’ celebrations and is based on their ‘Feast of Samhain’. The Catholic church attempted to replace the Pagan festival with All Saints’ or All Hallows’ day, followed by All Souls’ Day, on November 2nd.
The eve became known as: All Saints’ Eve, All Hallows’ Eve, or Hallowe’en. All Saints’ Day is said to be the day when souls walked the Earth. In early Christian tradition souls were released from purgatory on All Hallow’s Eve for 48 hours.

In order to protect themselves from any roaming evil spirits the Celts would appease them by offering them treats. The custom of wearing costumes on Halloween is thought to derive from the Celts disguising themselves at Samhain, so the spirits would think that they belonged to their own company. They could then communicate with the spirit world, known as ‘souling’.
Samhain Traditions and Beliefs

Samhain is considered a time to eliminate weaknesses – our Celtic ancestors slaughtered weak animals that were not likely to survive the winter and their meat was salted and stored for the dark months, this has evolved into the custom of writing your own weaknesses onto a piece of paper then burning them.

It was customary at Samhain to leave an empty chair and a plate of food for any dead guests, so that they would not be offended.
At the stroke of midnight – believed to be the hour the dead visited – all remained silent in respect.

 

The custom of trick-or-treating may have originated from an old Irish custom of going door-to-door to collect bread, cheese, nuts and apples in preparation for the feasting at Samhain.

When a candle flame flickers on Halloween night it is being touched by the spirits of dead ancestors.

Those born on All Hallows Eve are believed to have the gift of second sight.

If you catch a falling leaf on Samhain before it touches the ground it will bring you good luck and health for the coming winter.
Samhain Rituals and Games

Stones with a personal mark were thrown into the fire. These had to be retrieved from the ashes to ensure luck for the coming year, if your stone was missing or damaged it was considered a sign of forthcoming bad luck.

Also known as ‘Nutcrack Night’, because it was a popular custom at Samhain to throw nuts on the fire – if a nut burned brightly it meant that the thrower would be alive in twelve months time, and if it flared up brightly it meant marriage within twelve months.
To see if a relationship will last, place two hazelnuts side by side and burn them over a fire. If they stay together as they burn then the couple will last, but if the nuts burst apart the relationship will break up.

Baked cakes were offered up for the souls of the dead. All the family would eat the festival Soul cakes – known as ‘barnbrack’ cakes in Ireland – which often contained lucky or unlucky tokens : a coin for fortune, a button for remaining unwed, a ring for marriage, a wishbone for your heart’s desire, a pea for poverty.

The Ivy Leaf predition: everyone in the house places a perfect ivy leaf into a cup of water and then leave them undisturbed overnight. In the morning if a leaf is still perfect and has not developed any spotting, this predicts that the person who placed the leaf in the cup will enjoy 12 months health until the following Halloween. If not…

In Scotland the fishermen would wade into the sea at Samhain and pour out a bowl of ale into the waves for the ‘Shoney’ – a sea serpent-like being, to ensure a good catch for the coming year.

At Balmoral on Halloween night, during Queen Victoria’s time a bonfire was lit and an effigy of an old woman called the Shandy Dann was indicted with witchcraft, then thrown onto the fire.

At the Forest of Pendle in North Lancashire, at Samhain a ceremony called the ‘Lating the Witches’ took place. Locals believed witches gathered here on this auspicious night, so lit candles were carried over the hills between 11 p.m and midnight – lighting the witches or ‘lating’ them. If a candle stayed lit then the witches’ power was broken, but if it went out – blown out by a witch – bad luck may follow.

If any animals were suffering ill health on All Hallows Eve, then the farmer would spit on them to try to ward off any evil spirits that may take them.

On the morning of November 1st a silver coin was thrown through the front door of the house. The coin had to remain where it had fallen in order to bring financial luck.
Halloween lanterns

The tradition of face-carved pumpkin lanterns is thought to be derived from the Celts’ placing of ancestors’ skulls outside their doors at this time. Others see it as originating from using lanterns to ward off any evil spirits, which may be wandering through the thin veil into the living world on this All Hallows Eve.

The lit pumpkins also symbolise that in the darkness of winter the light continues within the seeds, tubers and bulbs dormant under the earth – they are still full of life and glowing like the candles within the pumpkins.

The name Jack O’Lantern derives from an old Irish tale of a villain who after he died could not enter heaven or hell – a damned soul. So he was condemned to wander the land with only a candle to see his way (some say it was a hot ember from the devil), which he placed inside a gouged out vegetable to act as a lantern. Others believe Jack-O-Lantern was a mischievous spirit who carried a light at night and lures night travellers into bogs or marshes, which were the dwelling places of fairies.

The Jack O’ Lantern used to be made from a turnip, but Irish emigrants to America adopted the plentiful pumpkin since it is much easier to carve. In the Isle of Man they still carve turnips to make lanterns and call the night ‘Hop To Naa’, not Hallowe’en, or Trick or Treating.
Samhain Divining

Samhain was a time for divination and magic, the Druids would foretell the future on this powerful night.

Many of the customs were performed by young people divining for their future husbands and wives – apples often figured; their connection with fertility is widely recognised :

An old belief is that by peeling an apple on Hallowe’en and keeping the peel in one piece, then throwing it over your shoulder you will discover the initials of a future lover.

By candlelight go alone to a mirror and eat an apple before it, whilst combing your hair. Your future love will be seen in the glass over your shoulder.

Ducking or bobbing for apples was a marriage divination. The first person to bite an apple would be the first to marry in the coming year. ‘Dookin’ for apples’ is thought to have originated from a Druidical rite associated with water.

Young girls would stick apple pips to the outside of her cheek, with each one standing for her sweethearts. The last pip that stayed stuck was her true love.

Blindfolded girls would go into the fields and pull up the first cabbage they could find. If their cabbage had lots of earth attached to its roots then their future sweetheart would have plenty of money. If they later ate the cabbage it would also reveal their future love’s character – bitter or sweet!

In Ireland a popular Halloween game was when a blindfolded person would sit at a table on which were placed several saucers. They choose one by touch, after they have been shuffled about the table. The contents of the saucer foretell the person’s fate for the following year :
water means the person will travel, a coin or salt indicates future wealth, earth/clay means someone known to the player will die next year,
a bean predicts poverty and a ring meant marriage.

New Age related ideas to earn money by working from home

Samhain or Samhuin stands between the worlds of the living and dead and outside of ordinary time. It’s the day that past memories meet the hopes of the future. The veil between us and the spirit world is at its thinnest tonight and we remember our ancestors, recent and from the distant past. It is death that gives life its purpose and decay that fertilises new growth.

It is a time to plant the seeds of new projects, allowing them to germinate over the winter months. It is also considered the time to end old projects and to generally take stock of one’s life.
Samhain allows you to come to terms with your past year and leave all mistakes and regrets behind you, in order to move on. Look forward to what the future holds.

Use the magic of this time to say good-bye to a bad habit or addiction, an old relationship, or anything else negative in your life

 

 

The Samhain Rite

A: The Statement of Purpose and Precedent

We gather here on the Feast of Samhain, the End and Beginning of the Sacred Year, the Time of Turning when the Dark Time begins. This is the Last Harvest. The fields lie empty, sinking into Winter^s Sleep and our larders hold what gain we have reaped from our labors.

As our forebearers did, so do we do now, and so may our descendants do in time to come. We are here to offer worship to the Lord of the House of the Dead and to the Queen of Phantoms; to the Gods, the Dead and the Sidhe; and especially to our honored dead here on the Feast of the Dead.

We offer to Donn the Dark One, the Antlered God who offers hospitality and peace to those bound for the Ancestors’ Country. We offer to Morrigan, the Great Queen of Battle and Sorcery; the Old Woman of Death and the Cauldron of Rebirth.

In this Season of Death we honor the Holy Dead as the ancients did, and we seek the Seed that will wait in the Womb of Winter. Now let us open the Ways Between…
B: Honoring the Patron Deities

To the Gods, the Dead and the Sidhe we offer welcome. All you Spirits who gather here with us, join now to honor the Patrons of our rite.

On the Night of the Scythe and the Skull, the honor-feast of Summer’s End, let us worship the Dark One and the Great Queen.

The Invocation of Donn
In the season of darkening, the Lord of the House of Death receives the Spirits in his Hall. He is Donn the Dark One, called Cernunnos the Horned One. He is the First Ancestor, the Torc Bearer, The Guardian of the Cauldron of Plenty.

Hear us now, Horned One, Dark one, Receiver of the Dead, Granter of Rest, Patron of the Feast in the Land of the Dead. We your children pray you to come in, to let your gaze fall upon this Sacred Ground, to indwell our rite and give us your blessing.

We make due offering to you. We give you…

(offering made into shaft or offering bowl.)

Silver, that you grant the wealth of the Underworld, Source of All Potential.

(offering made to the Fire)

Oil, that the richness of the Land be renewed as our own lives are renewed.

(offering placed at the foot of the Tree)

Horn, that the beings who know you may bless us in the Season of Hunting.

Be welcome among us, Donn; Dark One, accept our sacrifice!
The Invocation of Morrigan
As the Earth falls into sleep the Queen of Spirits is choosing those who will go to the Cauldron of Rebirth. She is Morrigan, the Great Queen of Phantoms, the Chooser of the Slain. She is the Battle Raven, the Red Woman, Mistress of the Cauldron.

Hear us now, Red One, Great Queen, Lady of the Reaping, Cauldron-Witch of Sorcery and Prophecy. We your children pray that you be with us, that you look kindly upon our holy rite, that you come into our Grove and give us your blessing.

We give due offering to you. We give you…

(Shaft)

Precious stone, that the Bones of the Earth may be clothed again in life.

(Fire)

Whiskey, that the Waters of Life May flow in us and Spirit indwell flesh.

(Tree)

Feathers, that your raven Eye watch over us in the Season of Sleep.

Be welcome among us Morrigan; Great Queen, accept our sacrifice!
C: Honoring the Ancestors
On the feast of Samhain the veils between the worlds are thin. We call to our Beloved Dead, the blessed Ancestors, to join our feast and receive due offering.

Come to the Gates, honored ones; hear our call, we your children who remember. We offer you our worship, our reverence and our love.

You who fill the empty womb, you who cause the seed to spring to spring, you who fill the breast with milk, receive now these offerings, made in your honor:

Apples, the Fruit of Life and Death.
Pork, the flesh of the Sacred Sow.
Hazel nuts, concentrated meat of wisdom.
We offer these…

(some of each offering made to the shaft)

To the ancient heroes of the Pagan World; those men and women who did the bidding of the Gods for the good of the folk.

(offering made)

To the honored Dead of the passed year; those women and men of our folk who inspired and guided our whole world.

(offerings made)

To our own Beloved Dead, Grandmothers-and-Fathers, family and friends who have gone ahead, we honor you and grieve for you. (offering made)

To all of you we give these fruits and meats that you may feast in joy in the Land of the Dead.
D: During the Praise Offerings

While the Praise Offerings are made, a wreath is passed among the people and all who wish tie a black ribbon onto the wreath in commemoration of their own dead. This wreath is then given to the fire at the Prayer of Sacrifice.
E: The Blessing

The Ale of Blessing flows in us, filling us with the magic of Morrigan and Donn. As the year turns, let us welcome the quiet of the Dark. Let the stillness of the land calm and satisfy our spirits, allowing us to receive the Harvest’s Bounty. Let the gain of the passing year be ours, to fill our lives with contentment. Let us welcome the Dead who wish to return to the living world, even as we remember those who depart. May we rest content as we pass the threshold of new beginnings.
The Death Song

(Repaganized from the Carmina Gadelica)
You go home this night to your home of winter,
To your home of fall, of spring, of summer,
You go home this night to the Turning House,
To your pleasant rest in the Land of Joy.

Rest you, rest, and away with sorrow,
Rest this night in the Mother’s Breast,
Rest you, rest, and away with sorrow,
Rest, O beloved, with the Mother’s Kiss.

In the Many Colored Land;
In the Land of the Dead;
In the Plain of Joy;
In the Land Beneath the Wave;
In the Land of Youth;
In the Land of the Ever-Living;
In the Revolving Castle, the House of Donn.

Rest in seven lights, beloved,
Rest in seven joys, beloved,
Rest in seven sleeps, beloved,
In the Grove of the Cauldron, Morrigan’s Shrine.

The shadow of death is on your face, beloved
But the Cauldron of Rebirth awaits you,
The threefold turning of your Fate,
When your rest has given you your peace.

So rest in the calm of all calms,
Rest in the wisdom of all wisdoms,
Rest in the love of all loves,
Rest in the Lord of Life and Death,
Rest in the Lady of Life and Death,

Till the Season of Turning
Till the Time of Returning
Till the Mystery of the Cauldron

happy holloween

The strings of the Rubab

---

Bloodshot brown eyes shuttered wide open, darting from side-to-side in silent horror, deep in the unspoken agony of paranoia. The sheer blanket that sought to comfort him always seemed just shy of hiding the terror that haunts his prying eyes. His small, shivering hands grasp indiscriminately for the warmth of his mother in the folds of the blanket, as though she could stop the long, hair-raising whistles of mortars falling and the bone-rattling, earth-shattering explosions that follow. He could still remember the silent scream on his cousin’s face the day before, as a rafe of bullets snuffed his young life out. The visions made him shake and moan as he lay very still next to his mother. Khewa was under attack again, there were
no Taliban here, only locals trying to get rid of the foreign invaders….

“THEY’RE HERE!” came Dad’s whisper

Soldiers hustling from house to house, ransacking what’s left of a shattered nation, machine gunfire punctuating each visit as nervous soldiers fire at every moving shadow. A blood-curdling scream ruptures the uneasy silence, echoing for miles before the sharp, brutal cracks of rifle fire silence her forever, and a new fearful hush settled over the neighborhood. Hundreds are rounded up and herded like cattle two by two into large, rattling military trucks.

“THEY’RE RIGHT NEXT DOOR!!!” He hissed, his voice sounded hoarse and strained, scaring the bejesus out of everyone.

The boy’s mother grimaced as his thin brown arms wrap around her tight enough to break a rib. The clock seemed to slow to a near standstill. Each tick of the second hand knifed into the psyche of each of the five huddling family members. One minute trudged by …then another …and another. The soldiers were talking loudly, twelve feet away on the other side of the wall. All the lights in the house were off, as though no one were home. All huddled under a single blanket downstairs, his mother slipping a hand carefully over two-year-old sister’’s mouth to keep her from wailing. Five sets of fearful eyes stared through the window at the darkening heavens, whispering urgent prayers under their breaths, their eyes seeking only Allah.

KEFAYA! Came the yell of the platoon leader …having come within inches of death, Allah, answered the family’’s prayers……the thump-thump-thump of boot-steps receded back to the truck, and the soldiers called it a day. The trucks grumbled to life, and roared off into the distance. Tomorrow, it would all begin again. Zahid decided he’d go with his uncle and father to plant IED’s against these evil foreign invaders.

Mother rocked her three children to a fitful slumber, punctuated by sudden screams as nightmares seized their subconscious. When they awoke, the neighborhood remained clear. The air was still, but not rife with tension like before. Birds peeked warily out of their nests, giving test chirps to see if the monsters had left for good. No one left their house yet…they wouldn’t for quite a few days. The sky slowly brightened, as though sensing the tensions had eased. Fiery hues or red, gold, purple and orange hearkened the sunrise, welcomed by the bravest of birds.

Father pulled out his Rubab, it had 3 strings missing, he tuned it with fumbling fingers. He was no great musician, knowing little of A minors and B flats.. Still, with every unpracticed strum of the strings, the war seemed just a little farther away, just a little less scary, just a little less real to the three enraptured audience members who sat before him, listening to the tuneless music as though it were Brahms, or  Mozart. The song he sang was old and whimsical, free of finesse and complexities. The melody rocked and comforted them….this was their song, their life. Praise Allah.

Dark poetry on Judgement day

---

Putrefaction

I’m addicted to
the ebony decay
of a dead rose
Turning from
the iridescent
on to this path I chose

Littered with hopelessness
and crimson words
of shattered love
As the black vultures
gaze solemnly
from the gnarled trees above

Awaiting the end
of my dark
and vengeful delight
A flock of demons
to carry me
swiftly into the night

Far from crystal waters
and my home
of harmonic love
Into the fiery depths
of an unjustifiable
diabolic-ever after……

I’m not coming back no more

Been here since the beginning of time
a desolate soul roaming the earth
my royalty clothed in dna
since the moment of my birth

old souls collected along the way
begging for eternal release
to finally sleep uninterrupted
for heaven is a moment of peace

another day beckons the morning dew
tattered souls cry out in repressed sorrow
“the sodomite” has once again returned
to feast upon the dead of tomorrow….

Descent

In my deepest darkest descent, I fell
Barreling down through the bowels of hell
Scathed and pierced by bramble and briar,
into eternal damnation and fire.

There, I was confronted by the Beast,
seated at morbid feast,
fallen angels by his side,
I knew I had no place to hide,
as I stared into his eyes of trampled and bloodied time,
I realized in horror, they mirrored mine.

Scifi Sunday’s presents “A gothic spellbinder”

---

Some people it seems are bound to a fate none of the rest of us could ever imagine. A horrid existence marked by sufferings of the mind and spirit. And this was the case with my acquiantance, Annabel Lee. Indeed the queerness of her situation and the surname with which she was cursed were not wasted upon me. We both knew the tale forged by Poe’s pen and now I often wonder if he knew how horrid the fate of annabel’s would be a century before it occurred. Though no method of hypnosis was incurred often the human mind can induce a state within itself or so I theorized at the time, reality is subjective, a trick of movement, or suggestion and the
mind can go reeling into infinite dimensions….

The actual date of the circumstances is not important. Anna was referred to me by an old friend. Though I am no doctor by any means I have a natural understanding of the mind. anna seemed very on edge upon our first meeting. She removed a handkerchief from her handbag and wrung it so that it was nearly destroyed before our session was half over.

“My mind plays the most horrible tricks on me.” She began in a low unsure voice. “You see, for a long time I have known things and began to experience visions to accompany this knowledge no less that six months ago. I see the most horrible things. Creatures I know cannot be from this world. When I told my husband he dismissed it as nothing more than a hysterical flight of fancy on my part.”

I urged her to tell me about the creatures. She paled considerably and did nothing to hide the shiver of dread.

“They are horrible. They cannot be of this world. Some are monstrous resembling a lizard. Yet they stand upright as a human. Claws that are hooked like talons, their teeth are curved inward. I have never seen anything like it.” she paused looking nervously about the room. “They will come. If I continue, they will come. You see my grandfather released them upon his death and now they are my curse. My father used to say he saw and heard things but he described nothing of this magnitude. Several years ago they found him in a rather unsavory part of town enviscerated. He refused to release them. I just know it.” she finished.

She moved to the window and stared out into the empty street with a disquieting conviction. “There are some things that were never meant to be tampered with don’t you agree Mr. Collins?” I nodded absently as I looked over the notes given to me by my associate. It seemed Ms. Lee had suffered this peculiar malady for months, perhaps years before she sought help. Now as she told her tale she made it all seem so recent. This alone peaked my curiosity.

“Ms. Lee, may I ask a question?” I proceeded cautiously. She nodded, her eyes moving over the street. I was again struck by the meticulous way she watched, taking every small detail in. “If you are indeed married then how is it you are the one cursed with the bad tidings associated with the name Lee?”

“Madame, my name is Annabel Lee by birth. I have chosen to omit my husband’s name for the time being. There is no need in bringing him into this hell…at least not for now.” she added grimly. “My husband’s name is Leon Chaney.

“Now? What do you mean? Would you elaborate? I am not sure I entirely understand you wanting to keep such things from him.” I countered becoming quite suspicious.

“Of course. As I told you he knows of the things I see but I discovered I can only keep him safe by keeping the magnitude of my situation from him. You see Ms. Collins, they want me to give him over to them. A pittance if you will for relief of my own suffering and they have promised to go back to which they came if I do so. If you would be so kind would you escort me to my home so I may show you something. I have to know I am not completely mad.”

After a bit of debate on my part I agreed. I was not so certain it was a good idea. After all she claimed things not of this world visited her but I must admit I was most intrigued by this point.

We arrived at her home shortly after seven pm and were immediately greeted by her husband. A tall gentleman with chestnut hair and eyes so dark they were almost black. He was quite a bit younger than I expected and I was sure many years younger then his wife.

“Good evening Ms. Collins.” he said, extending his hand. I took it noting the firmness of his grip, his flesh itself seemed quite a different matter, it was quite translucid. I subconsciously wiped my hand upon my pants as if to remove something from them he had left behind. He watched, his gazed unaverted and his eyes seemed to brighten a bit.

He gestured for me to sit, playing always the most gracious host. He was however, someone anxious. Anna sat as well but at the edge of her seat as if expecting to need a quick exit. “Annabel has told you of the creatures she sees?” he inquired. I nodded, my attention by now entirely on Mr Chaney. “Very good.” he said somewhat distracted himself. “Perhaps now this nonsense will stop. I have no reason to doubt she thinks she sees something but my wife is something of an hysteric you understand.”

I nodded acknowledging him. Contrastingly I had found Annabel Lee to be a rather calm, reasonable woman. Not at all one prone to hysteria. There had to be some basis for her claims and her husband’s demeanor made me more determined than ever to get to the bottom of them. “Annabel, will you now take me to what it was you wished to show me?” She nodded and rose slowly, her eyes upon her husband. The woman seemed positively frightened to death. She led me through the kitchen and to a small door on the far wall.

“I thought this a strange place for a door. But Ms. Collins, I know it is a portal of some sort. Look at the size of it and the queer markings. It is nothing made by human hands.” I stopped before the door inspecting the markings and the very material from which it was hewn. Indeed this was nothing I had ever seen before. I had studied ancient and modern writings and this I could fit into none of those categories. I grabbed a pen and paper from my coat pocket and made an etching of the carvings for further examination at my leisure. As I straightened Annabel Lee rushed to me, leaning inappropriately close whispering in a frantic tone. “They already have him. While I was visiting you they have gotten to him.”

“Impossible. He looked perfectly fine to me.” I shivered inwardly as I remembered the spongy feel of his skin.

She shook her head asserting her belief. They have gotten him.”

Her words rang deafeningly in my ears. I reached for the handle on the strange little door and pulled it open. I creaked and shuddered before giving way and coming slowly open. “I thought you said these were rather large beasts, like lizards.” I said. “Nothing of that size could get through here. You said, standing upright they would be at least as tall as a man.”

“Exactly. They cannot get through. They must have evolved somehow since the door was made. I don’t understand though. They said they needed his blood to have the magic necessary to get out. Yet at least one is out now.”

“If they never got out how did you see them, Madam?” I inquired sharply. None of this made sense any longer. I was rapidly becoming convinced the woman was mad. She gestured toward the door. I shook my head and slowly crawled as far inside as I could manage. At first I saw nothing but deep impenetrable darkness. As my eyes adjusted I could see something moving about in the darkness. From outside the door I could hear her droning on about how her husband had done just as I was doing now and never seen a thing. I was tempted to speak but the visage before me kept my silence.

There were several creatures, at least four, gathered in a small group beside an object that seemed much like a pillar. A pillar? my mind quipped. There was not enough space in this room for such a thing. The creatures themselves seemed of a reptillian persuasion, with long matted manes and slitted glowing eyes. One turned its attention to me, Its nose was flattened and the teeth protruding from the thin lips were curved inward.

I heard a sound but could not make out a shape in the dark. A slithering sound of something massive dragging itself across the floor. A shiver of dread raced along my spine and a sense of displacement overcame my senses. I was being dragged backward. I fought madly until a voice reached me through the mist lingering within my brain. “Ms.Collins! It is I, Annabel Lee!” I stopped fighting and looked around as my confusion lifted. “They almost had you.” she said, sitting heavily upon the floor. She looked at me within her eyes I saw defeat. She was ready to give up but I was not yet so willing. Something had managed to take control of my mind.

I began to describe to her all I saw. She nodded at several key points she had seen these things too. She stood carefully then helped me to my feet. “Come back into the parlor with me.” She led me back through her home. Her husband still sat as he had been left. Strangely he seemed…inanimate. His appearance was that of one lost in deepest thought. He seemed unaware of myself or of Annabel. She glanced at him a look of grim determination came over her features. “At least acknowledge us.” she said, the sheer force in her voice made me cringe. Yet instantly he seemed to come alive. He hitched a deep breath and looked up at us.

“Forgive me. I did not realize you had returned.” he said quietly. He stood shakily and walked quickly about the room. Annabel watched him. Her gaze cold and somewhat malicious. “Now, do you see what I have been faced with? There is nothing to be seen, is there? Anna is merely the victim of hysterics.” His words seemed somewhat rehearsed, forced from his lips.

“On the contrary. I saw some very strange things. I heard something as well but could not make it out. Something massive and slithering.” I shivered as I thought to add soulless and inhuman but refrained as he looked at me; a mixture of fear and confusion in his eyes.

annabel was watching us, once again with the abandon of one who observes all but never intervenes. She suddenly busied herself getting us drinks. I sat and bade her husband to do so as well. “For someone who has never seen the creatures you seem most haunted.” I observed. He nodded and resigned himself to staring at his hands. Annabel handed him a drink then with a grim smile gave me one as well. She seated herself near him and stared into her own glass. There was something about her demeanor yet…

She spoke suddenly. Her words resounded deafeningly through the room as if carried by some unnatural force and amplified. The words were foreign but I was convinced were derived from the language upon the door. I again felt the displacement and the sense of impending doom. I stood seeking to silence her. I reached out seeking to steady myself. She stepped away her voice louder and her words becoming something like a chant. I fought the displacement as my world began to gray out to an all consuming fog.
Spellbinding chanting continued to make me sway and swoon.

I awoke sometime later in my own home. I sat up suddenly and was met by the disquieting stare of Annabel Lee. “How did we get back here?” I asked as confusion dominated my thoughts.

“We never left. When you accompanied me to my home we did so with our minds and the power of suggestion…mesmerism if you will. You see when my grandfather died he unleashed things not of this world. Yet they exist only in the realm of the subconscious. I have learned to control access to that realm and therefore control them. I needed you and your strength of mind to see them and believe in them so that I could accomplish my task.”

“Which was?” I asked dubiously. She smiled sardonically but before she could answer we were interrupted by a frantic knock. I excused myself and was greeted by a distressed looking policeman.

“I was told I could find Ms. Lee here.” he said breathlessly. I stepped aside and allowed him in. This man was very excited something had happened. Something sinister I was certain. Anabel Chaney stood, her stare unwaivering as he spoke of his heinous news. “Your husband madam. He is dead. The neighbors reported screams that were quite frankly inhuman. They said it sounded as though the demons of hell had invaded your home. Everyone in the
neighborhood has been walking around like zombies, blank glares, and none of them can remember anything that has happened to them in the past few hours.” …..”I don’t even know how I came to
be here…..” He trailed off.

Annabel thanked him softly and sent him on his way. I stared at her in disbelief. I was now under the impression she had in some devious way murdered her husband and I was her alibi. “What did you do?” I demanded.

“My husband was an abusive and cruel man but weak of mind. It was quite easy to control his mind through mesmerism and allow those beasts to tear his soul from his body.” she said casually. She returned to the window again watching the street below. “In fact that is why his flesh felt so strange to you when you shook his hand. He was already dead. He just did not know it yet.”

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A Hiker, a piker, a real psycher on Scifi Sundays

---

There I was, walking alone, along the side of the road. watching the wind eat the snowdrifts, as familiar thoughts eat at my heart.   The only sounds are the slow crunch, crunch of my boot heels, thick and heavy as regret.  I left knuckle skin on the last tree I passed. Just a little bit of frustration scraped off in impotent outbursts of anger. I stop for a second to watch a single bead of my life splash to the ground, turn pink, and freeze. Iwas here. images fight for precedence in my head, blonde hair, tie dye shirts, his  body naked and waiting on a blanket in the grass, and the thought of  his  sudden silence. pulling up my hood, my eyes blind in the flash of oncoming headlights.   Half-heartedly, I stick out my thumb then a finger as they pass me by. It starts to snow, a frozen version of my darkest moods, and when i look up for explanations I find only the same images in the clouds laughing at me.   It’s cold out here. its hard out here. but, for now, its where I belong.  Here comes another car. He’s stopping.

“Hey, where are you headed?”"

“As far as youll take me.” I replied quickly, too quickly.

I hop into the car to wafts of stale smoke and cherry air freshener.  To fill the awkward pause that comes with meeting a new person,  I pull down my hood and busy myself adjusting the seatbelt .I observe my chauffeur for the night out of the corner of my eye. he is a squat man, not very tall not very short, with a bit of a gut that told of many nights hiding from the wife in whatever bar he frequented. He had the bleary hollow eyes of someone hypnotized by the constant blurring of the yellow lines of the road, he’s been driving for a while I thought.  Suddenly I hear him ask about the cuts on my knuckles, the black eye I am sporting…not wanting to answer I tell him some bullshit story that i had slipped on some ice and skinned them when I slid in the road.  Through all of the small talk he fired at me over the next hour or so, I picked up that he was 42, had a wife, and one kid.   He said he was on his way home from a trip for his boss blah, blah, blah, when the flash of blue and red appeared behind us.  It was a routine traffic stop.   The man got off with a warning for having a tail light out and we were on our way again. but, when he opened his glove box to pass the officer his license and registration I noticed he had a 6 inch hunting knife.

While I was nodding and yessing my way through another half hour of his incessant gutteral rambling, he suddenly stopped the car.  I spied him through very sleepy eyes.

“Is there something wrong?”  I mumbled. I suddenly sensed he was a psycho…..

Because he was instantly on top of me, groping me, trying to open my feather down coat.

“Come on, just a little, I’m doing you a big favor, taking you out of that storm.  You would have walked the highway all night in this blizzard!” He was yanking at me now.

I was fighting him off, scratching his face, making him very mad.  He fumbled to open the glove compartment, I instantly knew what he was trying to reach for.

my thoughts trailed  back to the knife. I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to pull out the sharpened steel and  chopping at his hand that was forcing itself down my pants.

What would it be like if I turned my arm into a piston hammering the knife into his chest until my muscles burned with fatigue, until the leather became sticky with his rapidly congealing blood.   What would it be like to create a widow and fatherless child.   At this point in my life, where I was leaving everything behind, where I had nothing left, I had nothing to lose. could I do it? Could I  have the balls to kill this weasel of a  man nice enough to give me a ride in the dead of the night when I was at my worst and freezing?

Then I thought of  the way things were at the start of our relationship, everything new, reveling in the discovery of each other. He was an Adonis. then I thought of the devil he became. How he abused me, beat me,  that evil bastard that cast me to the path that led me to this point.  No one is innocent. what the hell, right?

So, I stopped fighting him, and I told him I had  to stop at a gas station to relieve myself  and asked him to find one.   He let go of me and stopped the car to retrieve a map.  I quickly grabbed the knife from the glove compartment, unsheathed it and plunged it into the side of his neck. I was surprised by the result. he couldn’t scream. he couldn’t move, he was in shock. the amount of blood was unimaginable, baptizing my left arm into a new life as he gurgled his way to the door the other side. with great effort I pulled the blade out of his neck and stabbed it, to the handle, into his side and kept stabbing until his he was nothing more than mush from armpit to hip. he was probably dead five minutes earlier but I  couldnt stop myself, murder is therapeutic, I found. when I  was finished I searched his pockets and took up smoking. I left him there. I left the car behind and started walking again. I kept the knife though, washed, like my arm in the snow. its cold out here. its hard out here. but right now, its where I belong. I’ve made my choice. Ive committed myself to fire, and some of the labels that have followed me throughout my life. I still need a ride, but I hope to god one doesn’t come along.

It seems for the first time in my life god listened. or maybe he was looking out for the rest. another ride never came. I kept walking. I kept replaying what I had done over and over in my mind. I wont deny that I was scared. I figured that my life would be over. i kept an eye past my shoulder expecting to see the cops speeding up behind me ready to pounce. after an hour of walking I relaxed, pulled my coat close around me and concentrated on putting one foot over the other. I finally made it to a little town, frozen, wet and looking for any kind of help I could find. the first door I knocked on belonged to a small family that was all too willing to help me out. I had made it, somehow.
So I’m sitting here on my porch. its 40 years later, I am 62 and watching my grandchildren play in the grass near the oak tree I had planted. My Husband had died 3 years ago. I miss him. the cancer got him. ate him alive from stomach to brain as surely as the memory of what I did to that poor man years and years ago eats at my soul. I never did get his name, or maybe I just forgot it.  I notice Ive been forgetting a lot of things as i get older. but I’ll never forget what I did. All I have to do is look at my right hand and the places where my two missing fingers used to be. I lost them to frost bite on the cold walk into whatever town that was. since then Ive had a pretty successful life, one I know I dont deserve.   I take to the highways late at night.  Cruising the dark corners, and ethereal midnight expanses, stopping to help anyone hitching a ride, or needing to fix a flat tire.  I’m only too happy to oblige.  I’m waiting, any day now, I will become that driver…someone will be luking on those dark silent roads, miserable and filled with contempt, then I will be that driver,  and that piker, or hiker, will sense the psycho in me.