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Do you know how to attract a guy without making yourself look desperate? Is it okay to make the first move? Have you been trying to let your crush finally notice you? It could have been easier if girls are just like guys who can approach someone that they like when they want to. Just because we are women it does not mean that we can't do anything. In fact, we can do better than just saying hi to the one that we are interested in. Get to know how to attract a guy in four steps.

Step 1: Let him know who you are

You can't expect to attract a guy without him knowing who you are first.You should get him to be aware of him. You should let him know that you exist. So how will do this? Well, you can try being friends with his friends. You can start by hanging out at the usual places that he goes to. Once you have met people who know him, ask them to introduce you two. You have to do this in the most casual way possible. Try not to tell them how much you really like him. Remember, these are his friends. They would definitely tell him what they have found out.

Step 2: Find out about the things that you have in common

It will be easier for you to start a conversation if you are talking about his interests. To be safe, talk about the things that you both have in common. Once you have done your research, sort all the gathered information and take note of the things that you have in common with him. From there, you can make a mental list of the things that you will talk about to get him interested in the conversation. To attract a guy you should be able to catch his attention. He should see you as someone he can relate to.

Step 3: Be friends with him

As soon as you have started a conversation with him, it should be easy for you to be friends with him. Imagine how you met those kind people who have become your friends now? How did the friendship start? The key on how to attract a guy successfully is to not attempt to attract him at all. At this stage, try not to act as if you want to be more than friends because this might turn him off. You won't want to scare him away and lose the chance right? So control yourself. Do not start flirting with him or telling him how you feel about him. Constantly remind yourself that you need to establish a simple friendship with him first and act like a real friend.

Step 4: Be clear with your intentions

You can't pretend to be just a friend for a long time. After a few months of being "just a friend",it is time for you to make your intentions clear. During one of your conversations, tell him how you feel about him. This is the make or break part of the how to attract a guy process. Make sure that he does not see you as one of the guys or you'd end up in Lonely Friendsville.

When a guy catches your eye, you almost instantly ask yourself the question: "Does he like me as much as I like him?" Attraction is supposed to be a two-way street, and like most women, you could be clueless when it comes to interpreting signs a guy likes you.

So how should you go about it? How do you know a guy is into to you as much as you are into him? Let's delve on some facts and talk about the tell-tale signs a guy likes you.

Classic Signs

One of the signs that prove a guy is into you is whenever you catch him stealing glances at you. This may seem like a cliché, and pretty dull and obvious, but it's true.

Men are visual creatures. This means, they get turned on by what they see. They have this uncontrollable urge to stare at things that seem pleasant to them. Unless he has this look on his face that's more of a "what the hell is on her face?" kind of an expression, you can be sure that those constant stares he casts on you are a clear indicator that he likes you.

Acting Unnaturally

One of the other accurate signs a guy likes you is the way he acts around you. Thanks to Mother Nature, men don't act like themselves around women they find attractive. The things you see in the movies actually happen in real life. The mumbling fool who seems uneasy around you is often a dead give-away that the guy digs you.

Men have other ways of covering this up though. The defensive man who seems like he's trying to keep his distance from you could also be doing this to cover up his true feelings for you. Don't be fooled by this. Men are as insecure as women, and they dread the idea of rejection. Some men try to act nonchalant and play it off whenever a girl they like is around.

Smiles and Laughter

One of the sure-fire signs a guy likes you is their mood whenever you are around them. Men can't help but be happy being around a person they like.

You have to be careful though, it's also important that you know how to distinguish their smiles of appreciation from smiles of humor. Some guys act like jerks and pretend to be friendly and smiley toward you, when in fact they are laughing at you.

Knowing the Real from The Fake

Some guys are just friendly and happy by nature, so you don't want to automatically think that every nice guy you run into likes you. One thing you must know in distinguishing real signs from fake ones is whenever a guy acts in an unusual way.

Most of the time he gets nervous or uneasy, for fear of making a fool out of himself in front of you. If the guy you like seems a bit weird at times, especially in front of you, you could breathe easy and be assured that he likes you and he doesn't want to make a fool out of himself in front of you.

Women want to know what guys like. It all depends on what type of guy you are talking about. There are men who have different priorities and it would be unfair to generalize all men. There are a few things that men want in general. Whatever the situation may be, whether you are trying to please someone you like or be a better girlfriend, here are some of the things you need to know about what guys like.

Men Love Attention

This rule applies to all people in general. Men and women all have a need to feel important. It's a human need to feel valued by someone else. Don't be fooled by the cold shoulder or the moments of silence guys often give out, men love being taken care of as much as they like taking care of their woman. Let him know, once in a while, how important he is to you. You can actually say it to him or let him know through actions. Some guys may reciprocate and thank you for that, while others may try to downplay it and try to not react to it at all. One thing's for sure though, all men appreciate a little loving every once in a while.

Stand By Your Man

Men hate women who are always embarrassing and putting them down. Some women may find this to be cute, but once it builds up, watch out! You may be guilty of this, and it is acceptable when done sometimes. It's a way of showing your love in a crude way. But if you constantly do this to him, don't expect him to be a loving boyfriend in return. Men like women who support them in whatever they do. Even if you oppose to some of the things he does, as long as he isn't hurting anyone, let him be.

Let Him Breathe

You have to let your guy be who he is at times. Men hate women who are so controlling. Its fine trying to change some aspects about him, but don't try to do a total make-over of your boyfriend. Accept him for who he is and let him be comfortable around you. This will greatly affect the chances of your relationship to stand the test of time.

Let Boys Be Boys

Another way to let him have his breathing space is letting him spend some time with his boys once in a while. You can't have him stay with you constantly by your side. People buy pets for that.

One thing that men hate about their girlfriends is they get too paranoid once a meeting with his friends comes up. A boy's night out doesn't always mean a wild night at a local strip club. Sometimes guys want to unwind and hang out with each other, without any females around.

It's perfectly fine to leave your man with his friends once in a while, but don't let him go out too often and let him get the wrong idea that you don't care about what he does. Keeping your man happy involves letting him know how much you love him, no matter how he acts and whoever his friends are.

The first four years of my now glorious 18-year marriage followed the same, not glorious, hugely painful pattern all my other relationships had. All the passion turned to tension and all the fun turned to bickering and then he withdrew. He went cold and got angry.

Suddenly, I realized I didn't feel all that warmly towards him either. He thought I was being controlling, and I thought he wasn't cutting it. We were both right.

Overfunctioning is doing too much. It's doing more than your share, stepping in to help, stepping up to rescue. It's offering before being asked, giving instead of giving back. It's trying to manage your life and get things done by playing all the parts in the relationship -- both your part and his.

Overfunctioning is a deeply unsatisfying thing. Trying to play your man's part in the relationship as well as yours (like I did) creates tension and conflict -- and even if you could succeed at it, you wouldn't like the results.

If you turn your man into a puppet you can manipulate, you're not going to like him very much. You'll have clean dishes and no garbage, and a Saturday night date at the restaurant and movie of your choice, but look -- your man will be a puppet! Not much fun there.

So -- do you deserve a red-blooded, real, strong minded, secure, responsible, respectable, thoughtful, and caring man? Or do you only deserve a shadow of yourself? Can you allow yourself to be loved by a man who can really love? Or can you only sign up with a man who makes it one-third the way to you and then expects you to pick up the slack?

By always picking up the slack -- and I know it always seems like what needs doing is urgent and important -- what you get by doing it all yourself is mostly your own feeling of resentment. You don't get the appreciation we all crave -- you get coldness, anger, and withdrawal. It seems so unfair to put ourselves out, to be helpful, and then get what feels like a slap in the face. And yet, what we're really getting is the safe place (unpleasant as it is) of avoiding finding out what our men are really made of.

By always cutting to the chase and doing everything ourselves -- or directing how it's done -- we put up a wall between ourselves and our men that keeps us from getting what we all say we really want: The Big Ticket Items -- Love, Affection, Romance, Trust, Harmony, Peace, the ability to Negotiate anything. (And I mean anything.)

By always stepping in, we guarantee that our lives with our men will always be about the small stuff -- the nuts and bolts of life, and not the deep, soul-satisfying stuff that we come together in relationships and marriage to get. If what we want is soul connection, we have to stop Overfunctioning.

Since childhood, we've been labeled, taught, tricked, bribed and prodded, been threatened by all forms of authority, told what's true and what isn't, and disrespected for everything from our feelings to our thoughts. Our relationships have been more about pleasing others than pleasing ourselves. More about struggling and using our wits to get what we need and what we think we want than discovering what it is we really want.

Many of us don't even really believe we deserve a great relationship. Well, we do. We all do. And we don't need to do anything to deserve it. We just deserve it. No earning required.
If we can stop doing so much and stop resenting doing so much, our relationship will get better instead of falling apart. Try it. What if you really didn't have to watch how things are going, didn't have to ask for everything you want, stopped overseeing the doing of things that are important to you even though you've already agreed that it's his job, and could just relax and be?

It's a little scary. Each of us has learned ways to keep pain away. And those things we do and say that help keep pain away also shut out love. As soon as we stop doing those things, and love comes in, sometimes we begin to feel things we've been avoiding feeling for a very long time.

For some of us, feeling loved is mixed up with feeling pain. We feel scared to be vulnerable. Sometimes it takes a while to begin to trust ourselves and our boundaries enough to really allow ourselves to be vulnerable -- and enjoy both being vulnerable and experiencing the miraculous effect our vulnerability has on our men.

So take it slow. Baby steps is the way to go. Make a list of all the things you do in the household, on a date, and in a relationship, and pick three things that seem easy to let go of. And then stop doing them. Just stop.

It might get a little messy. At first he may get a bit bent out of shape that you're not on him, at him, throwing love and attention at him or doing for him all the time -- but secretly, he'll start feeling seriously better about your relationship. And you'll feel seriously better, too, when he starts giving you (without you're even asking) what you really want -- attention, affection, sweetness, the doing of household chores.

Remember, it's about the Big Ticket items. Affection. Great sex. Harmony. Being able to negotiate. Fun. Peace. Trust. Emotional safety.

Keep your eye on the prize: Stop giving all your energy to managing your man and everything in your daily lives, and start using it to love yourself first.

The Holidays are slipping away from me. I'm buzzing, speeding, moving faster than sound waves. Brain on overdrive, pedal to the metal. It's Hanukkah. It's Christmas. It's Kwanzaa. It's New Year's. All at once.

I see my entire life in rewind. My whole life crammed into two weeks. I remember my childhood and the Hanukkah candles, my single years with the Hanukkah candles and the Christmas tree because I thought it was pretty and festive and fun, Christmas in New York with a potted plant. Then married years of collecting ornaments and my daughter throwing icicles around the room.

Years ago, we gave up the tree lot Christmas tree because of allergies, then we gave up the living Christmas tree because of the same allergies, then we gave up the fake tree (which I really loved - the whole thing was one big decoration), and this year I forgot to buy Hanukkah candles.

The parties are like networking meetings. Everyone has business cards. Even family get-togethers feel like replays, like obligations, like the children are all leaving home and this is the only way we can see them.

Some of us are giddy. Some of us are blue. Some of us are lifted up by whose birthday and whose steadfastness we're celebrating. Some of us are tired. I'm just, well, feeling.

It's hard to be or feel any one thing in the middle of all this celebrating, cooking, cleaning, putting off work, missing appointments, going out of town, caring for and being visitors and houseguests. It's hard to be any one thing or feel any one thing ever.

To me, this whirlwind of tradition, ritual, repetition, counting of years, remembering where we were at that Christmas, that Hanukkah, that Kwanzaa is a swirl of emotion that ties me to my past, propels me into my future, and makes me stand right here, right now, awestruck, watching the air fly past my eyes.

And it makes me love myself and all people just a little more - because I can't cling to the past or dream about the future or pretend to not be here. It's like a vortex. It's past, present and future - the same for everyone.

We're all connected here - not by religion or tradition or even the start of yet another year, but by the fact that we're all tied to this season of both celebrating and lamenting everything all these things bring to the surface for us to feel. All at once.

In any given moment, there are infinite possibilities of feeling. Turn to your desk. All those things sitting on it. Look at them. Touch one at a time. Doesn't each have a different feel, a different memory?

I look at the picture of my dog, Popcorn, who passed away four years ago, and still feel a wave of sadness and regret for what I didn't do for her, and then my new dog, Hazel, three years old, touches my shoe with her face, and a wave of delight goes through me.

The rubber band on the desk reminds me of something old, and it feels like something fun, and the air smells like flowers, and it's cold in here. All at once.

Feelings morph. They're liquid. They can go from unbearably bereft grief to stunningly tingly pleasure in less than the blink of an eye. We don't have to stay in our dungeons of loneliness or our prisons of pain, or our clouds of infatuation.

We can move through it all, cycle through it, round in a circle or up and down or side to side, and swim in the Soup of our own emotions, our own soul's treasure chest.

If you're feeling blue, it's not who you are. It's just the way you feel right now. It's okay to look at the cat with love in the middle of feeling grief. It's okay to cry and then laugh, to look at a page from the news in disbelief and dread, and then laugh over the movie section.

This is what we do best, us humans. We feel.

What it is about the Holidays, for me, is that it's a season of contradiction, confusion, old and new, real and fake, love and emptiness. It's happy. We're up. We're celebrating. It's sad, we're down, we're blue. It lights up the choice we get to make at every moment.

If we have "Happy Holidays" and "The Holiday Blues," if we give to those less fortunate and feel unfortunate, if we give and try to remember how to receive, if I am exhilarated and at the same time terrified, which do I choose to believe? What do I focus on?

People who are heroic seem to absolutely get, and try to teach us, that there is joy in life, and that, even in the most desperate of moments, it's good to focus on the joy even while you're experiencing the pain.

So, while you focus on joy, remember what you remember and see what you see and feel what you feel about pain. While you focus on peace, remember and see and feel what you experience as chaos. While you focus on love, don't avoid anything you feel, even if it's fear.

Travel across the landscape of your life focusing on what feels good - peace and love and joy - and know that, even though pain and chaos and fear are always along for the ride, you can ride with them without getting stuck in them.

It's the Holidays. Touch things, touch people, be human, receive love, and give love to yourself.

Every moment is a new memory. Whatever yours are, they're yours to focus on, to remember or forget, to live for or with or through, to keep or toss, to stay mired in or use to jump into something wonderful.

Whatever you choose at any given moment, I wish you love, happiness and a whole lot of fun.

Love, Rori

Have you ever felt like the words and messages and thinking that's going on in your brain is taking over your life? Like you just look out the window of the car and wonder how you got from the last place you remember being to where you are right now?

It's like going through life on automatic pilot, and the worst thing of it is (besides the part about not experiencing and enjoying what's actually happening WHEN it's happening), is that it makes it IMPOSSIBLE to get and stay connected to a man!

There is no way a man can feel safe enough to open his heart if we're not actually, totally, really THERE with him. And sometimes, the habit of letting our brains spit out words and judgments and opinions and labels all day long every day becomes so much a part of us we don't know what it's like to just BE THERE.

In all my programs, you'll find many Tools to help you be "Present," and I'll give you a new one here I created to help myself when I was walking this morning. Let's call it NONSENSE.

The idea here is to combat your "thinking" with gibberish, gobbledygook, nonsense syllables and sounds. It's like an "interrupt" - where your brain doesn't get to spit out a whole sentence.

Try it like this:

1. Let's say you're standing on the street, walking, and you're lost in thought.

2. Let's say you can actually HEAR that voice in your head describing something, or figuring something out, or asking questions of your man.

3. Now - the moment you NOTICE your brain running on and on, just start throwing in some Nonsense - like "zzzzz,xfy,anamomojrrr" - anything that doesn't require THOUGHT (you'll see if you try it - it's easy and sort of effortless).

4. Within seconds, you'll feel yourself relax. You may smile and get your sense of humor back.

5. And in those few seconds, you'll feel a connection with what's really there - the tree, the coffee house chair, the wrapper on the sidewalk, the face of the person walking toward
you....

6. Now - try it with a man! If you're having dinner with him, and you're feeling flooded with thoughts - start the nonsense going. You might laugh! You'll feel lighter, ore spontaneous, more confident - sillier. Just a few seconds here and there will help you tremendously.

Once you've experienced the suspension of your thought in the midst of all the nonsense sounds - you'll love that feeling.

You can see how my Tool of "Circular Dating" makes his work so well and easily: The more men you come in contact with, the more opportunities you have to practice Nonsense with, and the more men you'll start automatically CONNECTING with, and so you'll have SO MANY men to CHOOSE from!

I know it sounds fanciful if you've never experienced this - but I KNOW - from my own life and the success of my clients and all the stories you send me - this WORKS!

Practicing my Tools with men everywhere gives you an almost unlimited amount of men to practice with. And this makes the man you with want to jump all over you and grab you up forever - and it makes meeting Mr. Right so effortless and fun.

Being Strong on the Inside and Soft on the Outside is the key here. And you can do it.

Let me know how Nonsense works for you, and how it helps you connect on a deeper level with a man.

Love, Rori

Contrary to what we women have been taught, men actually love it when we express our feelings. Because they are "thinking" creatures, our ability to be feminine and emotional is what attracts men and mesmerizes them. It's true. When we're in touch with our feelings and express them in a non-dramatic, non-blaming way, a man melts and we are very attractive to him. He then feels safe to get in touch with his own feelings and share them with us.

So how do we really feel our feelings in a way that works for attracting men? One of the easiest, most enjoyable ways is to make sensual activities a daily habit - a part of your life. This way, being a sensual creature becomes second nature to you. A great way to do this is to get out your art supplies and try this simple Tool I created.

How To Attract Him By Getting In Touch With You

1. Get a simple piece of paper and a pencil-the softer the pencil, the better.

2. Pick a time when you have at least 1/2 hour to yourself this first time (You only need 10 minutes after you get the hang of it), and put yourself somewhere where no one will bother you, talk to you, or call you.

3. Find a table and a chair, clear off the table, and put a few simple objects on it - an apple, a cup, a vase - large, simple shapes.

4. Sit down, and shake out your arms.

5. Hold the pencil lightly for now, and just look at the objects.

6. Pick one of the objects. Really, really look at it. What we're doing here is changing the way you see things, the way you look at things, and slowing down the process of how you see and experience things.

7. As you look at the object, move your hand easily over the paper without touching the pencil down, without drawing anything.

8. Really look at that object. See if you can see the entire shape of it, like it's all one shape. Now look at the detail of it - see if you can see how the light hits it, where the shine is, how the curves curve, what it's like where the object meets the table.

9. Now just touch your pencil down to the paper, and let it draw the whole shape of the object lightly without lifting up the pencil. Keep your hand flowing, and don't worry about what your drawing looks like.

10. Now slowly notice the smaller details about the object - a curve, a shadow, a shape, a shine - and sort of draw it. Just explore it on the page for longer than you normally would.

11. This is almost like touching the object, only you're doing it pencil to paper. Don't worry about getting anything "right."

12. Now - here's the "therapy" part: I want you to notice if you're tense in your shoulders, and if you're trying to "accomplish" anything. Notice if you're worried about the time, or the foolishness of this, or if you feel like you're in a hurry to get a picture done and "done right."

13. Breathe. Slow your hand down on the paper; slow your mind down by just focusing on the object.

14. If you have time, move your attention to one of the other objects, and follow the same steps.

Now, how do you use this to attract a man?

Let's say you go to a party, or a restaurant, or a bar. There are lots and lots of people around, it's noisy, and it even feels overwhelming.

First, see the room as a whole, just the way you did the object. If you were to draw it, there would be one big space with lots of small movement in it.

Then if one man (or the man you're with) comes close, see him as both a detail of the space - the way you did the curve of the cup or the angle of the teapot handle you were drawing - and then as a whole.

"Take him in" the way you took in the object you were drawing.

Now look at all his details - his eyes, his mouth, his hair - just observe and BE WITH him and his details the way you've practiced being with the objects you've been drawing.

Slow down. Breathe, smile. Experience.

The idea is that you are giving yourself over to the sensual experience of simply being with a man and in touch with your surroundings. You are fully in the moment, and, more importantly, not in your head. When you're in touch with your senses and can share your feelings with a man, you will connect to his heart in a very powerful way that is irresistibly attractive to him.

For men who have problems committing to one woman, the Internet is a playground. They can do anything from social network with women all over the world to looking at pictures of naked women.

So when does this type of behavior become an online affair?

I recently got an email from a woman whose boyfriend is "perfect" except for one thing - he collects women on MySpace. When she confronted her boyfriend about the amount of women on his page, he closed the account down. Then she found out he opened a new one behind her back and was flirting with lots of women.

She was understandably very hurt about this. When she confronted her boyfriend again, he broke down in tears. He said he didn't want to lose her, and he told her that he wasn't cheating. Rather, he excused his behavior saying it was only innocent flirting to boost his self-esteem.

This woman was very confused and worried that he might be thinking or fantasizing about these other women. But she was also making excuses for him, saying men "need an outlet."

Is this true? Is her boyfriend cheating on her by trading pictures with other women?

When a Guy Chooses Commitment

Guys who CHOOSE to be in committed relationships do not "need an outlet" like this. Guys who do NOT choose to be in committed relationships are entitled to follow their impulses however they want - they're entitled to take advantage of every possible way to contact women - but a man in a committed relationship has made a choice: he either gets you, or he gets to wallow in the world of women.

But there is a difference between simply looking at pictures of other women and actually reaching out to them. A picture is one thing. Touching, voice, email, text, and online contact are another.

It is very possible that this woman's boyfriend does suffer from low self-esteem and that his interactions with women online are completely harmless. But here is where communication comes in. She needs to tell her boyfriend how she feels about him connecting with women online.

Notice I said "feel". That means that instead of accusing him of having an online love affair, she would express her feelings. She could say something like, "When I discovered you had opened a new MySpace account, I felt scared and confused. I felt hurt that you kept this from me, and I feel afraid of how it might affect our relationship."

Chances are, her boyfriend - if he's a good guy - will not feel blamed but will be moved to comfort her and make her happy. And if he does have low self-esteem, he will see that she really loves him and that he needs to work on boosting his confidence in ways that do not involve other women.

It all boils down to how YOU feel, whether it's about a potential online affair or anything else in your relationship. If what your man is doing - and doing it in front of you is way better than doing it behind your back - bothers you or makes you feel bad in any way, then you need to either communicate your feelings to him about it or walk away from him.

I get a lot of emails from women who are in a very common and extremely painful situation: they're hung up on or involved with married men. A lot of them tell me that the reason they can't let go is because the man is in a "bad" marriage or that the wife is even downright abusive.

If you can relate to this, there's something you need to know. No matter how wonderful a man is, the ONLY thing that counts is whether or not he wants to be with YOU - permanently and fully. Moreover, a man who stays with an abusive woman wants - on some deep level - to be abused.

This means that if you are a nice, good woman, even if he were to leave his wife he would not be attracted to you and the stability you provide. Can you see this? It's similar to the way many women are attracted to "bad boys" and abusive men.

On an intellectual level, he knows it's awful and you're good and kind and sweet, but on a subconscious, visceral level he wants to be abused. It turns him on in some way. It's not healthy - but then you know that.

You're Never Too Old For The Relationship You Want

Recently I got an email from a woman in the exact same situation I describe above - she was in love with a married man who was in a miserable, abusive marriage. She was also in her sixties and so was despairing that love was going to pass her by and that this married man was her only chance for romance.

If you can relate to her, I want you to know this important fact: you have plenty of time. I've worked with many women in their sixties who've found love - and much more quickly than you'd imagine.

Online dating is a brilliant way to meet many men. Also forget the bars and find things men do - golf, sports bars, sporting events, classes, lectures, computer classes...stuff like that that interests you.

And if you live in a town that makes finding a good pool of men impossible, then you must consider moving.

Balancing The Masculine And Feminine

What you want to do is get your inner "boy" in gear to get you out there, proactively - out of the house, up on dating sites, at singles events and salsa dancing and speed dating.

But then the key is being able to shift from the "doing" masculine energy into the female "feeling" energy that is within you. This is what is extremely attractive - even irresistible - to a man.

That means that once you are out, you simply let yourself enjoy your surroundings and be fully present. You focus on the experience: if you're at a coffee bar, you really feel the foam of the cappuccino on your lips. You take it all in. You lean back and let men approach you. You let things happen and unfold naturally rather than jumping in and taking control.

I know that once you get yourself out there and start letting men approach you - even the ones you might want to disregard right off the bat - your self confidence will get an enormous boost and you will feel so much more attractive.

More importantly, you will break your dependence on a married man who can never give you what you want...and open yourself up to receiving all the love you deserve from a man who can.

If you're feeling like the whole process of dating is just one disappointment after another and you're done being single but can't see a way out of it, I know the frustration and exhaustion you feel. And I'm here to tell you there IS a way out of it.

I know, because before I met my husband I was in the pit of despair when it came to dating - crawling out for dates, and then crawling back home.

Then I discovered a simple yet highly effective Tool that not only cured me of that ongoing pain, but it led my husband to me and made me able to have the dream relationship I always wanted. I call it Circular Dating, and it's the fastest way to get you your Mr. Right and stop being single. Not only that, it actually makes dating fun! So read on if you want to stop being single once and for all, because I'm going to explain how to do it and why it works.

Creating Opportunities

Circular Dating says that if you use every opportunity with every man everywhere (even for brief seconds in the market or the dry cleaners) to get yourself better prepared for Mr. Right - Mr. Right will simply show up.

That's right, I want you to interact with every single man who shows up and to accept invitations from every man who asks you out (unless he frightens you). That means you'll be dating several men at the same time, and you should do this until you get the commitment you want from the man who is right for you.

So, even if you meet a man who excites you, you should continue dating other men if you want to stop being single. This may sound counter-intuitive, but the reason Circular Dating works is because keeping your options open gives you all the advantages of being pro-active for yourself, with none of the fallout of accidentally pushing good men away by being too eager or making them think you've made them the center of your world.

When the right man realizes you value yourself over him, he will step up his efforts to win your love so the competition doesn't beat him to it.

Receiving Love

Most of us only know how to give. We give for lots of reasons - because we're taught that's the way to get to a man's heart (it isn't), because we saw our mothers do it, and because we think it's the way to be a "good woman".

Here's the surprising truth: men fall in love with a woman they enjoy giving to and not because of how much she gives to him. So if you don't want to be single anymore, learning how to receive love is crucial.

When you practice Circular Dating, you instantly put yourself into the role of receiver: you are at the center, and all the men are circling around you. They talk to you first, they ask you out, they court you and try to please you.

Instant Connecting

To stop being single and meet your Mr. Right, you have to be able to connect.

Connecting is about emotion. And we women have all been sold a lie that men are afraid of emotions. The truth is that men can't stand drama (that's what they mean by "being emotional"), but they fall to their knees in adoration for a woman who can feel.

Connecting means taking your walls down - being who you are and loving who you are. It means feeling your feelings and sharing what you feel in words a man can hear - simple words that feel real to you and real to him.

"I feel happy to be with you." "I don't feel comfortable going there yet." These are both examples of feeling messages that quickly expresses what's going on for you without drama.

The incredible thing that happens when you learn to do this is that you become magnetic. You become irresistibly attractive. You make a man feel excited and safe - all at the same time. When this happens you connect straight to a man's heart - instantly.

Free Therapy

With Circular Dating, you get to heal yourself in the presence of every man you encounter - even if it's only for a brief second.

How can this be? How can a clueless or unavailable or over-eager or even unattractive man be your therapist?

You might have gone out with a man who was like a stone, but you connected with the waiter. Or you might have gone out with a man who adored you but made you want to run because he never stopped talking about himself or making sexual remarks, and you practiced being yourself and speaking the truth with him and shared exactly how that made you feel - and so you walked out of that date feeling powerful and more who you really are. Success!

You'll stop judging how an evening went by checking off one more gruesome date, and start appreciating how an evening went by checking off how your practicing went, and if there was anything to learn from the experience. Healing old wounds is a very important step in breaking old patterns so you can stop being single and find the romance you've been longing for with the man who is truly right for you.

Have you ever tried to get a man to say "I love you" by saying it first? If so, you have plenty of company. And I'm not just referring to saying "I love you" the very first time - I mean even when you've been with a guy for many years, even if you're married to him. It's easy for the urge to creep up to want to hear those three little words so badly that we become vulnerable and insecure when he doesn't say them.

For instance, this happened to me just recently with my husband of 20 years. Yes, two decades and I still run into the same issues! Why? Because men will always be men and we will always be women, no matter what commitments we've made to each other.

Just An Innocent Phrase, Right?

So my husband had been away for a bit visiting his family, and I was feeling particularly vulnerable and missing him. When he called we had a nice talk, but I was very aware of the fact that he wasn't saying "I love you." And I really wanted to hear it - badly. So I said it first. And he just went ahead talking about stuff. I ended up feeling angry and neglected until I couldn't take it anymore and told him so. Then he told me he loved me, and I know he means it, but I ended up feeling like I had coerced him to say it.

Here's the first lesson of this story: never say "I love you" unless you're positive you're not expecting anything in return. Of course, this is never the case since it's impossible not to notice that a man doesn't say it back.

The New "I Love You" Script

Instead of saying "I love you" to hear it said in return, I could have instead expressed my feelings to him in a non-blaming, non-critical way. So here's what I did next time he called: I told him how weird all that felt, and that I didn't want him to feel obligated to say he loves me, but that it feels really bad when he doesn't. And then I asked him what he thought. This is key: you express a feeling (I felt weird), then you say what you don't want (not to make him feel obligated), and then I asked him what he thinks.

The reason this works so well is that men appreciate it when you are vulnerable about your feelings without blaming them, you tell them what you DON'T want, and then you give him them opportunity to come up with a solution.

When I did this, my husband said he didn't feel any obligation. That's the second lesson in this story. Guess what - men DON'T feel obligated! That's a "woman" thing we've been taught and fed and made to feel guilty about. And I realized at that moment that I was making something out of nothing.

Replacing The Old Script

And here's lesson number three: even though I've been practicing my own Tools for connecting with a man's heart all these years, I STILL fall into old habits and need to remind myself to lean back and let him lead the relationship. I need to remember to keep the focus on the most important person - ME - so that whether or not he says I love you is completely incidental to my happiness.

So take heart: we are all human, and we all need to practice in order to remove old habits and replace them with newer, more productive ones. Become aware of your old habits that make you think that his telling you "I Love You" is like a magic potion that will make you feel completely secure.

Don't Say "I love you" First

Yes, you must open your heart first. Always. You must be like an open book with the pages that are you - flying free for everyone to see. The colorful ones and the black and white ones, and the empty ones, too.

If I had said, "I'm noticing that I'm sort of waiting for you to say "I love you". This feels really weird after being with you so long..." That would have been different. That would have been my book open.

But, instead - I tried for a higher spiritual plane where it didn't "matter" that I said it first. And I discovered that I said it as a "trick."

So - look for YOUR tricks - start to notice them when you want to do them. Over time, you will have less and less of a need for them and open your heart so that when he does say "I love you" first, you can be grateful for the spontaneity of his feeling. And that, in the end, makes you feel a whole lot more secure than if you had forced it out of him.