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Homing Limerick

Poets United prompts us to write a poem about home:

Homing Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I may travel and wander and roam.
For adventure, the streets I may comb.
But wherever I go,
Here’s the one thing I know:
There is nothing and no place like home.

Valentine’s Day Limerick and Haiku Too

Yet Another Valentine’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

St. Valentine’s Day can be risky
Cuz the men folk do tend to get frisky.
And watch out for the pious:
They sure like to try us
Before and yes after their whiskey.

*****
St. Valentine’s Day
may be over in theory–
never in spirit.

Campaigning For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and,
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who ran a campaign…*

or

A fellow who ran a campaign…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Campaigning For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who ran a campaign
To sell drugs that were good for the brain
Was stunned and quite pissed
At the side effect list.
She flushed pills and her job down the drain.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (48)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow was way off his game,
When the ‘Notice of Child Support’ came.
They had fun there’s no doubt,
On that couch that pulled out.
He wishes that he’d done the same.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Colleen Murphy, and Jane Shelton Hoffman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

A fellow was way off his game
Of finding wild beasts he could tame,
But gained recognition
(Though NOT by volition)
When eaten by lions. That’s fame!

Colleen Murphy:

A fellow was way off his game,
Speed eating his once-claim-to-fame.
While wolfing down pie
Some seagulls flew by;
What they dropped and his bite were the same.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A woman was way off her game.
Her sex life was getting too tame.
She perfumed certain parts
And tattooed on some hearts,
But still with all this, no one came!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Mary, Mary? Au Contrairie (Limerick)

Abe Lincoln historians and art historians alike have been stunned by this newly discovered art hoax:

For 32 years, a portrait of a serene Mary Todd Lincoln hung in the governor’s mansion in Springfield, Ill., signed by Francis Bicknell Carpenter, a celebrated painter who lived at the White House for six months in 1864.

The story behind the picture was compelling: Mrs. Lincoln had Mr. Carpenter secretly paint her portrait as a surprise for the president, but he was assassinated before she had a chance to present it to him.

Now it turns out that both the portrait and the touching tale accompanying it are false.

There’s a lot more to this story, so I recommend that you read the entire New York Times article. But before you leave me, here’s a limerick:

Mary, Mary? Au Contrairie (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Art historians suffered a shock:
Mrs. Lincoln’s famed portrait’s a crock.
A rip-off took place–
The pic hasn’t a trace
Of Abe’s Mary — it’s scam-ridden schlock.

Inventive Limerick

Happy National Inventors’ Day! Why is National Inventors’ Day celebrated on February 11th? Back in 1983, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed February 11th National Inventors’ Day to honor the anniversary of inventor Thomas Alva Edison’s birth.

Here’s a silly invention-related limerick that has absolutely to do with Edison:

Inventive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A device that was meant to clean crud
Made a mess and was rather a dud.
But in spite of this glitch,
The inventor got rich,
Which explains why his name became mud.

House To Close Its Doors (Limerick)

Fox’s medical drama House is finally coming to an end. So it’s confession time: I hate House.

In fact, I loathe all medical dramas, doctor comedies, and any other show about sick people. Why? Because the mere mention of symptoms makes me start feeling them. So if I want to avoid real life doctors, I have to stay far away from the fake ones.

House To Close Its Doors (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though it’s not my intention to grouse,
I detest doctor dramas, like House:
TV ailments and ills
Make me itch, give me chills.
WebMD, here I come — Where’s my mouse?

Haiku Quartet

An “Acrostic Fly Haiku,” as suggested by Acrostics Only:

Free-floating on air,
Light as a feather, it soars,
Yielding to a swat.

*****
A “Relief Haiku,” as suggested by Sensational Haiku Wednesday:

Writing on deadline—
no ideas, none, nada.
Then, at last, relief.

*****
Forking over rent—
More than many can handle
if they like food too.

*****
Crafting a poem
takes work, skill, art, cleverness.
Damn … I left out wit.

*****

Off One’s Game Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was way off his game…*

or

A woman was way off her game…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Off One’s Game (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was way off his game
And was looking for someone to blame.
He concluded that God
Had given the nod
To his nemesis — talk about lame!

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (47)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to JIM DELANEY who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

The chairman was trying to lead
An attack upon corporate greed,
But his own compensation
Would fund a small nation —
Not quite the credentials you need.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Neal Pattison, Bruce Niedt, Edmund Conti, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Neal Pattison:

A fellow was trying to lead
A life filled with daring and deed.
To his friends, who all hooted,
He said, “I’m well suited,”
As he buttoned his Seville Row tweed.

Bruce Niedt:

A salesman was trying to lead
His date to a sexual deed.
But when he unzipped
She took one look and quipped,
“Satisfaction is NOT guaranteed!”

Edmund Conti:

A fellow was trying to lead
His wife to the mens’ room (Great need!)
Said his wife, “Not a chance!
We’re going to dance.”
So they danced on and on while he peed.

David Lefkovits:

A fellow who wanted to lead
The nation in turning from greed,
Found most in agreement,
When thinking that he meant
The other guy’s greedy misdeed.

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

A fellow was trying to lead
His small pup (newly bought, pedigreed).
The son of a bitch
Would rather just ITCH
Than be led to the vet and deFLEAed.

Phyllis adds this Limerick Note:

In my rhyming I have this strange vanity
That my jokes not depend on profanity.
That small dog with the itch
Was the offspring of bitch.
To rely on swear-words is insanity!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!